my mother

I'm really really sick of my mother

I've been sick (fever over 100*) as mentioned in my last post so I've been sleeping quite a bit this weekend ...

I told Jenn I would see her on like Wednesday (before I got sick) on Sunday for a least a few hours and as Karin will tell you I'm not in the habit of breaking promises if I can help it. So my fever went do to like 98* and I was feeling a lot better so I figured if I went to visit Jenn for a couple hours it wouldn't be a big deal ... well being as I am sick I fell asleep big shock!!!!! are you shocked?!? I'm certainly shocked !!! I got a lovely text message from my mother so when I woke up planning to go straight home I decided to go back to sleep and just spend the night with Jenn who has been much more comforting than my mother ever has been. So yeah when Jenn had to get up to leave in the morning she asked if I wanted to stay or go home so I said I should go home or my mom would be really pissed... When I got home my mom was up and just stared at me as usual she never says anything to me she treats me like shit so I went to my room and there was this page long rant in bold letters taped to my door in it she called me a drunk and useless. then she went on to say how how I was sick and she "allowed" me not to cook and clean the day before when SHE wanted my grampa to come over for dinner (no one else did) (and mind you I did dust the whole house and cook the 6 Cornish hens and the vegetables) ... I'm sick of living here and always being put down ... I could win the noble prize in biology and my mom would tell me I'm the dumbest person she has ever met

sick

I have been not feeling well for 2 weeks now in fact i just keep feeling worse and worse ... my sleeping habits are getting worse as well... at first i wasnt sleeping at all when i visited Karin they gave me some meds to help me make it through the night which helped me get some sleep with was much appreciated :) but then my body went right back to rejecting sleep again ...now im sleeping like 10+ hours a day its scary ... i cant keep my eyes open at all and I'm nauseous like all the time wtf is going on ... like i was fine until i went to the Dr to find out what this pain was in my side and then he prescribe me anti inflammatory drugs and topamax and all this other BS ... i havent worked out in like a month and i feel really weak from all of that ... i just want to stop taking these pills altogether i think they are the reason for the fever the nusua and all the other problems ... on top of that I need to find a printer and like fast cause i need to print something out like it was yesterday

blah

yeah I'm just pissed off..need a computer soon

question

can you really say you enjoyed sex with a man if you got off but only b/c you pictured women you've been with recently in your mind the whole time?


I've been thinking about that recently ...

I'm pretty sure

I'm pretty sure ...


That no matter what I'm going to hell if there is such a place (I'm all pretty certain they made "hell" up years ago to scare people into submission)

the reason is pretty logical

People on the basic principal of being animals are only supposed to be around long enough to procreate ... you know ...spread their seed

Modern medicine has allowed people to live beyong 25 yrs to have these long lives we are now accustomed to, As a 24 yr old I'm about to miss out on my basic mission in life... in one year I'll be 25 at which time I would have missed out on my life mission while watching everyone around me fulfil their own missions.

Even in the most basic life mission you're supposed to find a "mate" I can't even do that so basically I'm a pathetic animal ...

frustrations

So I am sooooo beyond frustrated these days...

I have no privacy anymore ... well its kinda my fault b/c my computers are great at getting viruses (and NO i dont look at porn!) so I've been using my moms which is sitting on the kitchen table and everyone always has to come over and be like what are you looking at? and then precedes to read whatever im reading or typing... like waht if I was having cyber sex I want privacy dam it!!! Not that I do but yeah.. I just want my computers back :( I miss them and being able to go online without having to ask if its ok to do so

also im totally confused with women ... so I go out with this girl we have an ok time (she said she had a "great" time..I think she exagerated that a bit) and then she e-mails me a day or so later and wants to hang out with a group of friends??? whats that supposed to mean exactly? so she liked me enough to be a friend and nothing more? thats fine but quit fucking with my head... in addition she makes her facebook status say something along the lines of how she enjoyed her day in Philly with strangers (she calls me a stranger.... technically I am we barely know much about each other) ... so yeah wtf??? I think im just giving up on her period ... I always have the nazi if I want to get laid

oh and speaking of the nazi her brother and mother are a fucking piece of work for real! So her brother always talks about how I am fat and ugly ... not gonna lie I'm over weight but hes like MORE overweight than I ever was!!!! and I guess I'm ugly it seems to be a concencus across the board so thats fine I cna live with it .... but dude has NEVER had a conversation with me adn thinks that my personality is determined by my weight?? no way asshole get a life ... oh and he claims that is ok for men to be overweight but women that are overweight are disgusting ... and then he tells his sister that when he gets married he is going to beat his wife b./c she has to "obey him" what an asshole now I know why he has been single every day of his 23 yrs of life! and then there is her mother who met me ONCE and I said all of about 2 sentances to her which were like hello how are you I'm a friend of Katies from Sesame Place ... and apparently that was offensive??? please where???? that was the first time I met her the second time I went to her house the Katie goes into the kitchen i follow and her mother looks at me and turns to katie and goes Katie not tonight we cat have company over she has to go home ... I didnt even say a word at that point so I start to walk out and her mom is following us adn I turn to Katie and go well you're WELCOME to come to my house and her mom glares at me .... fucking bitch ... and then later that night katies other freind Aleksy comes over and her mom claws at him according to Katie... of so anyway after I left her house the second time her brother was saying shit about how I was fat and ugle and someone should lynch me Katie stuck up for me ... a nazi standing up for a jew who woulda thunk it? and then there is the question why am I hanging around with the nazi? I don't know im still confused by it ...really I am but I really feel more comfortable with her than with many other people ...like I could be myself or something and she doesnt mind all my quirks and faults she likes and accepts them ... or maybe we are bothe beyond fucked up??? I dunno someone explain ifyou can

and then I got my new car a ford escape 2009 its amazing I love it and wouldnt trade it for the world... well maybe in 10 yrs I will trade it but I'm so happy with it right this moment

lets see what else is on my mind... I have a therapist I see 2x a month and she thinks im precognative (psychic) which kinda scares me b.c like well arent I seeing you so I wont go crazy I think you might be crazy how is that going to help me??? and also she talks to Lunesta on like a daily basis and thats not good b.c lunesta is fucking nutso herself and is prob told all of what I say ... anyway I have to goto work booooo

wow...what was wrong wit hme

so i weighed myself and my pack before going on the trip and I weighed almost as much as i did when i was still really fat it was th same!

I dont know how i wa sablle to function at that weight it is fucking insane!!!

I'll never weigh tthat again im completly disgusted by myself

An all time low

So today I wasnt supposed to work but this older woman called out b.c her son is in the hospital and very ill (auto immune disorder). I agreed to go in to cover her shift... no problems right?

Apparently not b.c at some point someone "hacked" (more like the dumb ass gives her password to anyone and everyone) into Lunesta's myspace account (I'm assuming by what she has written in her status and said to me about the incident) ... I have NO idea what was said but it at no time would ever call for her to text me this
"I hope you slit your wrist just like Megan did you stupid cunt"

Megan being my late girlfriend who committed suicide by cutting her wrist.

who says that to someone? really that is beyond uncalled for! I'm sure she has pissed off her fair share of people not just me...

oh and her new myspace status is something along the lines of "I didn't write that stuff up here one of my exes hacking into my profile I wonder who that would be dumbass!!!"

first of all if you are acusing me of doing this then get your facts straight in what universe were we ever together??? b/c on this planet in this universe we were NOT together!! not even a little bit ... we never even kissed (thankfully!!!) ... obviously she could not be refering to me right??? no dead fucking wrong she was telling people her and I were a couple .... I might not be the "perfect" woman according to many people but my standards arent that low !!!

im pretty pissed off right now and a bit depressed

Oh and Eric is a fucking psycho too but Karin can share that story ... poor Karin

so...

I met a girl .. hopefully things will go well ...seems we really like eachother ...

and on the total upside she isnt a complete psycho and actually fun!

total BS

I got punched in the face not not liking obama... and my car was vandalized ... and the cops did nothing ... just like they did nothing when that group of ppl attacked and nearly beat an innocent man to death