of having to bear the burden of life anymore. I just want out and there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind it either.
No one cares about my emotions they are to busy stomping all over me/them. and really why should they I am an insignificant person who will do nothing with her life... im so pathetic I even tried to join the military but im not good enough for them either ... just got the letter to prove it ..im pathetic
someone needs to give me the strength to pull the trigger one of these days ... in the near future if you dont mind
Friday, May 22, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
how rediculous is this?
so long story get ready to read
so Sunday May 10th 2009 my mom was talking to my sister on the phone, while on the phone she was sealing a package located in my sisters room
Fast forward 2 days to Tuesday night ... Stelisa sleeps over (in my sisters room) Wednesday morning my mom notices the bag is open and the contents are thrown about the room. Friday my mother asks me if I opened the bag, I tell her no and she then informs me she is 99.99999999999% sure Stelisa opened the package and threw it around the room. I call Stelisa and ask if she did so, she denies and flips out (like the I'm guilty as all fuck but don't want you to know flip out). Stelisa says my mom framed her b/c she was afraid we were dating and Stelisa was "making me gay". Mind you the night before I told my mother I was gay and that she couldn't change me. Now my relationship with her is amazing!
So anyway I confront Stelisa with this information and she gets all mad saying she wants an apology from me for not defending her and from my mother for accusing her ... I told her I asnt getting stuck in the middle with this BS ...
Friday night Stelisa stays at my friend Colleen and Tonys for the night where she bashes me and my mother over the incident... then she gets even more pissed when I ask her why she said what she said to Colleen and Tony and decides the best way to deal with it is to send me pics of a woman sucking a dudes dick and being squirted in the face with cum... real mature ...
anyway I got super mad when the fat slob bitch tells me to "Go kill Myself" so now I am dead to her and shes a fucking bitch
and she is going around telling people I am lazy, rude, selfish, inconciderate, how I walked all over her, that I got her kicked out of her house (she did that all on her dam own!), and a few other choice things
anyway I have a problem b/c my therapist is her therapist and they talk on the phone all the dam time and the therapist tells Stelisa about her clients ... I'm not so comfortable going to see her anymore and I dont know if I should even go anymore ... thoughts on that?
so Sunday May 10th 2009 my mom was talking to my sister on the phone, while on the phone she was sealing a package located in my sisters room
Fast forward 2 days to Tuesday night ... Stelisa sleeps over (in my sisters room) Wednesday morning my mom notices the bag is open and the contents are thrown about the room. Friday my mother asks me if I opened the bag, I tell her no and she then informs me she is 99.99999999999% sure Stelisa opened the package and threw it around the room. I call Stelisa and ask if she did so, she denies and flips out (like the I'm guilty as all fuck but don't want you to know flip out). Stelisa says my mom framed her b/c she was afraid we were dating and Stelisa was "making me gay". Mind you the night before I told my mother I was gay and that she couldn't change me. Now my relationship with her is amazing!
So anyway I confront Stelisa with this information and she gets all mad saying she wants an apology from me for not defending her and from my mother for accusing her ... I told her I asnt getting stuck in the middle with this BS ...
Friday night Stelisa stays at my friend Colleen and Tonys for the night where she bashes me and my mother over the incident... then she gets even more pissed when I ask her why she said what she said to Colleen and Tony and decides the best way to deal with it is to send me pics of a woman sucking a dudes dick and being squirted in the face with cum... real mature ...
anyway I got super mad when the fat slob bitch tells me to "Go kill Myself" so now I am dead to her and shes a fucking bitch
and she is going around telling people I am lazy, rude, selfish, inconciderate, how I walked all over her, that I got her kicked out of her house (she did that all on her dam own!), and a few other choice things
anyway I have a problem b/c my therapist is her therapist and they talk on the phone all the dam time and the therapist tells Stelisa about her clients ... I'm not so comfortable going to see her anymore and I dont know if I should even go anymore ... thoughts on that?
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
ugh dude
ok so like I keep attracting weirdos wtf is wrong with me???
I go from the emotionless unresponsive/unreceptive nazi to an emotionless unreceptive bitch ... why cant a normal person who has somewhat of a sex drive be attracted to me???
I go from the emotionless unresponsive/unreceptive nazi to an emotionless unreceptive bitch ... why cant a normal person who has somewhat of a sex drive be attracted to me???
Monday, May 4, 2009
Equality Forum
May 3rd (yesterday) was equality forum in Philly ... and what an interesting day it was ...
So I told my mother I was going to the Broad Street Run instead b/c she would like steal my car keys if I told her where I was going for real. It was definitely hard core raining, like real bad... of course we need umbrellas so Lunesta went and got some I got a purple one and Lunesta got a blue one
On the way into Philly my mother called and said "I bet you're glad you didn't go its pouring out" I definitely was STILL going we fought then I said bye and hung up ... she called back b/c she HAS to have the last word of course ... I totally didn't care and just said whatever ... aparently I'm going to get sick and die from standing out in the rain ... or not actually
We finally arrived in Philly near the rally and onward we went! the rally was pretty dead due to the rain but you can't keep a rainbow down there was still a lot of people ... and a few protestors ... one of them was fucking HOT! She was passing out these stupid little flyers saying no lie first line "Jesus loves and accepts everyone" second line "homosexuality is a sin" ... we stopped reading after that ... I wanted to throw it in her face but Lunesta just threw it on the ground ... oh well ... and another funny thing with the protestors was that we bought a pretzel and it was soooo large we couldnt finish it so she goes up to the protestor and goes "you look like you're hungry from all that hard work" he gave her a nasty look and it was funny ...
there were cops everywhere it was sickening!!! I was standing next to one and go if these protestors talk to me I'm gonna shoot them ... and then I added just kidding I don't have a gun ... I totally did tho a nice 380 :) its a sexy one too I'm gonna buy my own 380 AMT it was that hot!
Oh so there was like 100 booths or something and Lunesta made us look at all of them ... we got to one called Rainbow Alternatives and Lunesta was like go pick out a shirt ... I totally didnt want but she like forced me to and it was totally uncomfortable b/c yeah it just was ... one of the booths you got to spin a wheel and win a prize ... I got a book booo I wanted the adult video! and another booth was PCOM the school I go to and I was so excited there was a gay club on campus but there totally wasnt it was the psych students being awesome and setting up a booth for awareness ... I got a frisbee off of them and a water bottle :) ... there wasnt much going on there really
Then there was a rally we went to infront of independance hall which was fun of course and I totally couldnt find Kevin
o yeah Kevin was this guy I met the night before at the bar b/c I was trashed and was like " I KNOW YOU!" and we totally knew each other b.c we went to HS together ... then there was another girl I went to HS with and I asked her if she went to HS with me and she was all mean so that was that ... what a bitch!
anyway back to yesterday ... we called each other like 239834875 times to meet somewhere but we totally never met up b.c he got there late then he had to eat and then Lunesta HAD to eat at Sisters (the lesbian bar) so we went there and she totally wouldn't walk so we ad to get a stupid cab grrr and then I had to pay for it and I wanted to walk WTF!!! anyway we got to sisters and totally didnt eat food there ...so I was adequatly pissed off b/c I just wasted 7 bucks for nothing!! we met up with this girl Jean who is from LA and we hav the same personality almost its scary! we ate at Cozi but got food from Potbelly (awesome food!) went back to sisters and hung out upstairs... there was this cute girl in a white hat so I told Lunesta and her apporach was to push me into the girl ... who luaghed at me cuase it was stupid I apologized tryed to talk to her but she was already luaghing at me with her friend so I walked away ... later on I wasn't so "relaxed" as Jean liked to say so they gave me a 7.5 perk and alot of alcohol ... needless to say I was fucked up ... it felt good for a bit but then like I totally couldnt breath and stuff so I went outside and couldnt walk and all and these 3 super hot girls helped me out bought me a water and kept checking up on me ... I think this was after I called Karin and talk some interesting stuff to her ... some how the bouncer at Sister got my car keys and wouldnt give them back ... that was odd I forgot all of how that happened ... and then at about 1030 we left Lunesta got my keys and we ate pizza got a cab back to the car and like ... I didnt recognize the place nd freaked out at the vabb driver and didnt give him a tip ... but he got us to the right place i felt like an ass ... woops and then that was it came home and my mom was pissed at me
So I told my mother I was going to the Broad Street Run instead b/c she would like steal my car keys if I told her where I was going for real. It was definitely hard core raining, like real bad... of course we need umbrellas so Lunesta went and got some I got a purple one and Lunesta got a blue one
On the way into Philly my mother called and said "I bet you're glad you didn't go its pouring out" I definitely was STILL going we fought then I said bye and hung up ... she called back b/c she HAS to have the last word of course ... I totally didn't care and just said whatever ... aparently I'm going to get sick and die from standing out in the rain ... or not actually
We finally arrived in Philly near the rally and onward we went! the rally was pretty dead due to the rain but you can't keep a rainbow down there was still a lot of people ... and a few protestors ... one of them was fucking HOT! She was passing out these stupid little flyers saying no lie first line "Jesus loves and accepts everyone" second line "homosexuality is a sin" ... we stopped reading after that ... I wanted to throw it in her face but Lunesta just threw it on the ground ... oh well ... and another funny thing with the protestors was that we bought a pretzel and it was soooo large we couldnt finish it so she goes up to the protestor and goes "you look like you're hungry from all that hard work" he gave her a nasty look and it was funny ...
there were cops everywhere it was sickening!!! I was standing next to one and go if these protestors talk to me I'm gonna shoot them ... and then I added just kidding I don't have a gun ... I totally did tho a nice 380 :) its a sexy one too I'm gonna buy my own 380 AMT it was that hot!
Oh so there was like 100 booths or something and Lunesta made us look at all of them ... we got to one called Rainbow Alternatives and Lunesta was like go pick out a shirt ... I totally didnt want but she like forced me to and it was totally uncomfortable b/c yeah it just was ... one of the booths you got to spin a wheel and win a prize ... I got a book booo I wanted the adult video! and another booth was PCOM the school I go to and I was so excited there was a gay club on campus but there totally wasnt it was the psych students being awesome and setting up a booth for awareness ... I got a frisbee off of them and a water bottle :) ... there wasnt much going on there really
Then there was a rally we went to infront of independance hall which was fun of course and I totally couldnt find Kevin
o yeah Kevin was this guy I met the night before at the bar b/c I was trashed and was like " I KNOW YOU!" and we totally knew each other b.c we went to HS together ... then there was another girl I went to HS with and I asked her if she went to HS with me and she was all mean so that was that ... what a bitch!
anyway back to yesterday ... we called each other like 239834875 times to meet somewhere but we totally never met up b.c he got there late then he had to eat and then Lunesta HAD to eat at Sisters (the lesbian bar) so we went there and she totally wouldn't walk so we ad to get a stupid cab grrr and then I had to pay for it and I wanted to walk WTF!!! anyway we got to sisters and totally didnt eat food there ...so I was adequatly pissed off b/c I just wasted 7 bucks for nothing!! we met up with this girl Jean who is from LA and we hav the same personality almost its scary! we ate at Cozi but got food from Potbelly (awesome food!) went back to sisters and hung out upstairs... there was this cute girl in a white hat so I told Lunesta and her apporach was to push me into the girl ... who luaghed at me cuase it was stupid I apologized tryed to talk to her but she was already luaghing at me with her friend so I walked away ... later on I wasn't so "relaxed" as Jean liked to say so they gave me a 7.5 perk and alot of alcohol ... needless to say I was fucked up ... it felt good for a bit but then like I totally couldnt breath and stuff so I went outside and couldnt walk and all and these 3 super hot girls helped me out bought me a water and kept checking up on me ... I think this was after I called Karin and talk some interesting stuff to her ... some how the bouncer at Sister got my car keys and wouldnt give them back ... that was odd I forgot all of how that happened ... and then at about 1030 we left Lunesta got my keys and we ate pizza got a cab back to the car and like ... I didnt recognize the place nd freaked out at the vabb driver and didnt give him a tip ... but he got us to the right place i felt like an ass ... woops and then that was it came home and my mom was pissed at me
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Please don't water the seed
So Lunesta tells me that she is "planting a seed" in me and she may "water" it
basically we had this "hypothetical" conversation about if I would get with her ... AFTER she set her friend only boundary ... and I told her I probably wouldn't try to get with her, it would be her doing all the work b/c it was her to stop any possible romantic connection.
So the seed is her wanting to get with me and telling me so ... the thing is I have NO romantic interest in her ... like at all... her personality at times is repulsive ... shes a good person but she is super bossy and yells and makes me nervous a lot ... not to mention the way she treats ppl it is absolutly repulsive ... I don't need another emotional mind fucker in my life!!! Or a person who is going to bring me down ...
Lunesta says she realyl likes my personality and that she has grown to really like me but I have grown to really not be a fan of hers ...
shes texting me right now saying "I miss you" I can't take a needy clingy person in my life or in general I need my space!
any advise on how to make her not like me but still remain friends and get her to understand that she she pushing me away as even a friend with her clingyness???
basically we had this "hypothetical" conversation about if I would get with her ... AFTER she set her friend only boundary ... and I told her I probably wouldn't try to get with her, it would be her doing all the work b/c it was her to stop any possible romantic connection.
So the seed is her wanting to get with me and telling me so ... the thing is I have NO romantic interest in her ... like at all... her personality at times is repulsive ... shes a good person but she is super bossy and yells and makes me nervous a lot ... not to mention the way she treats ppl it is absolutly repulsive ... I don't need another emotional mind fucker in my life!!! Or a person who is going to bring me down ...
Lunesta says she realyl likes my personality and that she has grown to really like me but I have grown to really not be a fan of hers ...
shes texting me right now saying "I miss you" I can't take a needy clingy person in my life or in general I need my space!
any advise on how to make her not like me but still remain friends and get her to understand that she she pushing me away as even a friend with her clingyness???
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Whats wrong? ...my rant!!!
People keep bitching at me and my friends are all fighting with each other ... then asking me to pick sides and I really don't give a shit ...they're all adults they can figure it out ya know ... and then my mother the fucking bitch keeps telling em how to live my life its pissing me off ... and I was supposed to move into my sisters room like 5 yrs ago (really 5 yrs ago) and my fucking mother didn't want e too cause she wants the room to store her extra shit in she wont clean out her own closet so now she has her clothes in my brothers room hers and now MINE and I asked her to get it out so I can start painting and shit cause the walls in the other room are nasty but she refuses unless I empty out my room completely to give her space in this smaller one when she has like 23845784375678346 5other places to keep it ... I have like NOTHING and half of my clothes dont fit me... she wanted them so really Im storing a bunch of HER shit in here too... and then I have Stelisa up my butt all day everyday she wont just let me be its really annoying we aren't together ... and I have 0 interest in getting with her she pisses me off a lot! I havent had like 30 min to myself without someone telling me what to do or how to act its just getting on my FUCKING nerves and my whole day of hiking with Zach was fucking ruined when the tire blew on the highway ... I tried so hard to just go to the gym and work out my frustrations and no im still fucking pissed off and unhappy even after the two hours of torture!!! I'm really fucking sick of other people living my fucking life and I'm sick of people bitching to me about each other cause there isn't a god dam thing I can do about it like at all and I'm not picking sides when ppl fucking fight over shit that has nothing to do with me cause I'm not the cause of the problem I don't want to get involved
OMG Idiots!!!
Lamont Carolina Politics is so political.
really did it take you a while to figure that out you stupid pineapple??? really you're a fucking MORON!
get off my back!
I cant take everyone in my life fighting with one another anymore ... its really driving me nuts!!!
I cant fix all your bull shit and drama!
Take care of your own shit if you wot listen to me or take my helping hand!!!
I;m not feeling well my sugar was at 167 this morning and right now its dwn to 101 ... do you know how bad of a drop that is in 6 hours??? especially RIGHT after a work out where it should have been raised for a bit before coming down ??? I dont need your added BS I have my own shit to deal with ... I cant even see properly right now FUCK
I cant fix all your bull shit and drama!
Take care of your own shit if you wot listen to me or take my helping hand!!!
I;m not feeling well my sugar was at 167 this morning and right now its dwn to 101 ... do you know how bad of a drop that is in 6 hours??? especially RIGHT after a work out where it should have been raised for a bit before coming down ??? I dont need your added BS I have my own shit to deal with ... I cant even see properly right now FUCK
Monday, April 27, 2009
hanna montana
yeah I totally watched that movie in the theater today with Stelisa!
Yeah we are total losers but we had such a good time throwing candy and popcorn at the other people in the place. We definitly turned our heads when they did and were like it must be the people working up there in the booth throwing it and the woman was so chill about it and she totally bought our bogus BS story lol ...
the end of the movie makes me hate going to see movies but meh whatever ...
thats all lol ... later peeps
Yeah we are total losers but we had such a good time throwing candy and popcorn at the other people in the place. We definitly turned our heads when they did and were like it must be the people working up there in the booth throwing it and the woman was so chill about it and she totally bought our bogus BS story lol ...
the end of the movie makes me hate going to see movies but meh whatever ...
thats all lol ... later peeps
Saturday, April 25, 2009
PISSED OFF
HERE I AM AT WORK ... AND THERE IS NO FUCKING WORK! I AM BEYOND PISSED THEY FORCED ME TO COME IN FOR RUN 2 SAMPLES SO FAR ... YES JUST TWO... IN COMPARISON TO THE 80 I RAN YESTERDAY... I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS AND HAVE ANOTHER 8 TO GO ... BUT NO WORK... WHAT WAS THE NEED TO FORCE ME TO COME IN FOR THIS? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE AND I AM PISSED NOT ONLY DID I HAVE PLANS FOR TODAY BUT I AM DUCKING EXHUASTED ... I TOTALLY JUST FELL ASLEEP IN THE BREAK FROM FOR 30 MIN ... AND I THINK I WILL GO BACK TO SLEEP TO TO CATCH UP ON MUCH NEEDED SLEEP.... IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS LAB AND THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY TOLD ME AT MOST THEY WILL BRING UP1 OR 2 MORE SAMPLES ... EFFECTIVELY I COULD HAVE NOT COME TO WORK AND THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE WITHOUT THIS BS ... I REALLY REALLY HATE THEM FOR THIS B.C THEY RUINED A FEW THINGS FOR ME TODAY ...ASSHOLE!!!!
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