Friday, May 22, 2009

I'm so sick

of having to bear the burden of life anymore. I just want out and there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind it either.

No one cares about my emotions they are to busy stomping all over me/them. and really why should they I am an insignificant person who will do nothing with her life... im so pathetic I even tried to join the military but im not good enough for them either ... just got the letter to prove it ..im pathetic

someone needs to give me the strength to pull the trigger one of these days ... in the near future if you dont mind

Monday, May 18, 2009

how rediculous is this?

so long story get ready to read

so Sunday May 10th 2009 my mom was talking to my sister on the phone, while on the phone she was sealing a package located in my sisters room

Fast forward 2 days to Tuesday night ... Stelisa sleeps over (in my sisters room) Wednesday morning my mom notices the bag is open and the contents are thrown about the room. Friday my mother asks me if I opened the bag, I tell her no and she then informs me she is 99.99999999999% sure Stelisa opened the package and threw it around the room. I call Stelisa and ask if she did so, she denies and flips out (like the I'm guilty as all fuck but don't want you to know flip out). Stelisa says my mom framed her b/c she was afraid we were dating and Stelisa was "making me gay". Mind you the night before I told my mother I was gay and that she couldn't change me. Now my relationship with her is amazing!

So anyway I confront Stelisa with this information and she gets all mad saying she wants an apology from me for not defending her and from my mother for accusing her ... I told her I asnt getting stuck in the middle with this BS ...

Friday night Stelisa stays at my friend Colleen and Tonys for the night where she bashes me and my mother over the incident... then she gets even more pissed when I ask her why she said what she said to Colleen and Tony and decides the best way to deal with it is to send me pics of a woman sucking a dudes dick and being squirted in the face with cum... real mature ...

anyway I got super mad when the fat slob bitch tells me to "Go kill Myself" so now I am dead to her and shes a fucking bitch

and she is going around telling people I am lazy, rude, selfish, inconciderate, how I walked all over her, that I got her kicked out of her house (she did that all on her dam own!), and a few other choice things

anyway I have a problem b/c my therapist is her therapist and they talk on the phone all the dam time and the therapist tells Stelisa about her clients ... I'm not so comfortable going to see her anymore and I dont know if I should even go anymore ... thoughts on that?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

ugh dude

ok so like I keep attracting weirdos wtf is wrong with me???

I go from the emotionless unresponsive/unreceptive nazi to an emotionless unreceptive bitch ... why cant a normal person who has somewhat of a sex drive be attracted to me???

Monday, May 4, 2009

Equality Forum

May 3rd (yesterday) was equality forum in Philly ... and what an interesting day it was ...

So I told my mother I was going to the Broad Street Run instead b/c she would like steal my car keys if I told her where I was going for real. It was definitely hard core raining, like real bad... of course we need umbrellas so Lunesta went and got some I got a purple one and Lunesta got a blue one

On the way into Philly my mother called and said "I bet you're glad you didn't go its pouring out" I definitely was STILL going we fought then I said bye and hung up ... she called back b/c she HAS to have the last word of course ... I totally didn't care and just said whatever ... aparently I'm going to get sick and die from standing out in the rain ... or not actually

We finally arrived in Philly near the rally and onward we went! the rally was pretty dead due to the rain but you can't keep a rainbow down there was still a lot of people ... and a few protestors ... one of them was fucking HOT! She was passing out these stupid little flyers saying no lie first line "Jesus loves and accepts everyone" second line "homosexuality is a sin" ... we stopped reading after that ... I wanted to throw it in her face but Lunesta just threw it on the ground ... oh well ... and another funny thing with the protestors was that we bought a pretzel and it was soooo large we couldnt finish it so she goes up to the protestor and goes "you look like you're hungry from all that hard work" he gave her a nasty look and it was funny ...

there were cops everywhere it was sickening!!! I was standing next to one and go if these protestors talk to me I'm gonna shoot them ... and then I added just kidding I don't have a gun ... I totally did tho a nice 380 :) its a sexy one too I'm gonna buy my own 380 AMT it was that hot!

Oh so there was like 100 booths or something and Lunesta made us look at all of them ... we got to one called Rainbow Alternatives and Lunesta was like go pick out a shirt ... I totally didnt want but she like forced me to and it was totally uncomfortable b/c yeah it just was ... one of the booths you got to spin a wheel and win a prize ... I got a book booo I wanted the adult video! and another booth was PCOM the school I go to and I was so excited there was a gay club on campus but there totally wasnt it was the psych students being awesome and setting up a booth for awareness ... I got a frisbee off of them and a water bottle :) ... there wasnt much going on there really

Then there was a rally we went to infront of independance hall which was fun of course and I totally couldnt find Kevin

o yeah Kevin was this guy I met the night before at the bar b/c I was trashed and was like " I KNOW YOU!" and we totally knew each other b.c we went to HS together ... then there was another girl I went to HS with and I asked her if she went to HS with me and she was all mean so that was that ... what a bitch!

anyway back to yesterday ... we called each other like 239834875 times to meet somewhere but we totally never met up b.c he got there late then he had to eat and then Lunesta HAD to eat at Sisters (the lesbian bar) so we went there and she totally wouldn't walk so we ad to get a stupid cab grrr and then I had to pay for it and I wanted to walk WTF!!! anyway we got to sisters and totally didnt eat food there ...so I was adequatly pissed off b/c I just wasted 7 bucks for nothing!! we met up with this girl Jean who is from LA and we hav the same personality almost its scary! we ate at Cozi but got food from Potbelly (awesome food!) went back to sisters and hung out upstairs... there was this cute girl in a white hat so I told Lunesta and her apporach was to push me into the girl ... who luaghed at me cuase it was stupid I apologized tryed to talk to her but she was already luaghing at me with her friend so I walked away ... later on I wasn't so "relaxed" as Jean liked to say so they gave me a 7.5 perk and alot of alcohol ... needless to say I was fucked up ... it felt good for a bit but then like I totally couldnt breath and stuff so I went outside and couldnt walk and all and these 3 super hot girls helped me out bought me a water and kept checking up on me ... I think this was after I called Karin and talk some interesting stuff to her ... some how the bouncer at Sister got my car keys and wouldnt give them back ... that was odd I forgot all of how that happened ... and then at about 1030 we left Lunesta got my keys and we ate pizza got a cab back to the car and like ... I didnt recognize the place nd freaked out at the vabb driver and didnt give him a tip ... but he got us to the right place i felt like an ass ... woops and then that was it came home and my mom was pissed at me