Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Please don't water the seed

So Lunesta tells me that she is "planting a seed" in me and she may "water" it


basically we had this "hypothetical" conversation about if I would get with her ... AFTER she set her friend only boundary ... and I told her I probably wouldn't try to get with her, it would be her doing all the work b/c it was her to stop any possible romantic connection.

So the seed is her wanting to get with me and telling me so ... the thing is I have NO romantic interest in her ... like at all... her personality at times is repulsive ... shes a good person but she is super bossy and yells and makes me nervous a lot ... not to mention the way she treats ppl it is absolutly repulsive ... I don't need another emotional mind fucker in my life!!! Or a person who is going to bring me down ...

Lunesta says she realyl likes my personality and that she has grown to really like me but I have grown to really not be a fan of hers ...

shes texting me right now saying "I miss you" I can't take a needy clingy person in my life or in general I need my space!

any advise on how to make her not like me but still remain friends and get her to understand that she she pushing me away as even a friend with her clingyness???

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Whats wrong? ...my rant!!!

People keep bitching at me and my friends are all fighting with each other ... then asking me to pick sides and I really don't give a shit ...they're all adults they can figure it out ya know ... and then my mother the fucking bitch keeps telling em how to live my life its pissing me off ... and I was supposed to move into my sisters room like 5 yrs ago (really 5 yrs ago) and my fucking mother didn't want e too cause she wants the room to store her extra shit in she wont clean out her own closet so now she has her clothes in my brothers room hers and now MINE and I asked her to get it out so I can start painting and shit cause the walls in the other room are nasty but she refuses unless I empty out my room completely to give her space in this smaller one when she has like 23845784375678346 5other places to keep it ... I have like NOTHING and half of my clothes dont fit me... she wanted them so really Im storing a bunch of HER shit in here too... and then I have Stelisa up my butt all day everyday she wont just let me be its really annoying we aren't together ... and I have 0 interest in getting with her she pisses me off a lot! I havent had like 30 min to myself without someone telling me what to do or how to act its just getting on my FUCKING nerves and my whole day of hiking with Zach was fucking ruined when the tire blew on the highway ... I tried so hard to just go to the gym and work out my frustrations and no im still fucking pissed off and unhappy even after the two hours of torture!!! I'm really fucking sick of other people living my fucking life and I'm sick of people bitching to me about each other cause there isn't a god dam thing I can do about it like at all and I'm not picking sides when ppl fucking fight over shit that has nothing to do with me cause I'm not the cause of the problem I don't want to get involved

OMG Idiots!!!

Lamont Carolina Politics is so political.




really did it take you a while to figure that out you stupid pineapple??? really you're a fucking MORON!

get off my back!

I cant take everyone in my life fighting with one another anymore ... its really driving me nuts!!!

I cant fix all your bull shit and drama!

Take care of your own shit if you wot listen to me or take my helping hand!!!

I;m not feeling well my sugar was at 167 this morning and right now its dwn to 101 ... do you know how bad of a drop that is in 6 hours??? especially RIGHT after a work out where it should have been raised for a bit before coming down ??? I dont need your added BS I have my own shit to deal with ... I cant even see properly right now FUCK

Monday, April 27, 2009

hanna montana

yeah I totally watched that movie in the theater today with Stelisa!

Yeah we are total losers but we had such a good time throwing candy and popcorn at the other people in the place. We definitly turned our heads when they did and were like it must be the people working up there in the booth throwing it and the woman was so chill about it and she totally bought our bogus BS story lol ...

the end of the movie makes me hate going to see movies but meh whatever ...

thats all lol ... later peeps

Saturday, April 25, 2009

PISSED OFF

HERE I AM AT WORK ... AND THERE IS NO FUCKING WORK! I AM BEYOND PISSED THEY FORCED ME TO COME IN FOR RUN 2 SAMPLES SO FAR ... YES JUST TWO... IN COMPARISON TO THE 80 I RAN YESTERDAY... I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS AND HAVE ANOTHER 8 TO GO ... BUT NO WORK... WHAT WAS THE NEED TO FORCE ME TO COME IN FOR THIS? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE AND I AM PISSED NOT ONLY DID I HAVE PLANS FOR TODAY BUT I AM DUCKING EXHUASTED ... I TOTALLY JUST FELL ASLEEP IN THE BREAK FROM FOR 30 MIN ... AND I THINK I WILL GO BACK TO SLEEP TO TO CATCH UP ON MUCH NEEDED SLEEP.... IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS LAB AND THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY TOLD ME AT MOST THEY WILL BRING UP1 OR 2 MORE SAMPLES ... EFFECTIVELY I COULD HAVE NOT COME TO WORK AND THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE WITHOUT THIS BS ... I REALLY REALLY HATE THEM FOR THIS B.C THEY RUINED A FEW THINGS FOR ME TODAY ...ASSHOLE!!!!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

work

so I went to HR about being threatened by my supervisor and he was brought down... he apologized to be about making me feel that he was threatening me but he assured me he in no way was (BULLSHIT!!) He looked at the schedule and has me off on Sunday but I still have to go in on Sat ... I'm super pissed about it!! really this guy is a dick!!!

I'm looking for another job ASAP! But unfortunately I'll have to keep this one until I get one :(

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

rambling

I keep thinking about things that have happened in the past couple of days

I have to say I am ashamed of myself

For one I took the virginity of a person who identifies herself as a Nazi in her bedroom on Hitlers birthday. Who shortly there after made some super anti-semetic comments. I almost lost a great friend in the process too.

I guess really I'm just disappointed in my decision making skills when more than one person has told me what to do in the situation.

I promised Karin I wouldn't talk to her or see her anymore more and so far I have done so. She called and texted me a few times since the last time but I have not responded.

Today I found out that "If I want to keep my job I WILL be at work this weekend" This was said by the lab manager. I am so torn between just quitting that job and/or keeping my plans for that Saturday. I feel like an asshole b.c I made plans with Karin I told her I would be there. Shes probably upset due to what happened *hugs* too.

Theres more but I need to go to bed :( sleep sucks

Monday, April 20, 2009

:(

I feel so dirty for what I did last night

like I'm gonna go to hell

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I don't have a name for this one .. .but read it

my sleep in the last few days have been absolutly horrible monday I didnt sleep b/c lunesta was over and taking up like my WHOLE bed so I eventually migrated to the floor and got about 4-5 hours of sleep .... Tuesday night I could sleep for some reason wensday I slept really good (a whole 7 hours str8 thru) thursday I got maaaybe 4.5 hours if I am lucky and frid I got about 5 hours ....I need to sleep like more ... like im getting sleep deprivation headaches and shit .... whatever

so I went to my therapist on Fri for the first face to face visit (we did a few over the phone) and it was def not as bad as I thought it would be ... this woman was so easy to talk to and explian things to without having o go to deep into BS ya know ...it was just chill and she explained to me how men created the violent destructive world we are in now using socialogy and aercheology FACTS to explain her valid points (I double checked and it was all true) .... I went from there to work which was boring as fuclk I was there an hour early and they wouldnt let me start early so I hung around ...Tulsi wasnt at work that was sad :( we usally make each other have a good time at work even when its boring and nothign to to do ...ya know .... of well

ok so last night when I left work and began my drive to Karins house ... along the way I was tailgated by a cop who instead of pulling me over drove around my car cut me off and pulled over the person in thew car infront of me ... it was amusing

got to Karins house and she was acting liek anutcase which was hilarious but I was soooooooooo tired some of the things she saidor I said are jsut now registering ...oh well...

oh so in the past week since I decided I wouldn't talk to Judge Doom guess who wants to hang out and shit .. yes you are correct Judge Doom does ... she is like blowing up my cell phone oh well... I fuckd her in her nazi bed I hope hitler and his buddies enjoy my Jew cum on the swastikas .... any way so yes back to today ,,,

I went to Keystone to see these ppl speak about some stuff and it was pretty lame some girl thoguht was like 15/16 and this 20 yr old boy tried hitting on me (I introduced him to the 19 yr old who thought I was in HS) the student presentations were lame as hell none of them were done their research so like WTF?!? why bother presenting?!? at least mine was done when i handed it in!!! grrr and they will all prob get better grades than me this shit makes me SOOOOOOO mad! what ever ... I am so tired I forgot what the fuck I wa sgoing to say for the rest of my day so far ... I keep thinking it was going to be funny but I just can be so sure of that .... ill try and fill in the blanks later time for sleepys

...working

SO I STARTED WORKING AGAIN!!!!!! Its so good to have something to do during the day again instead of sitting around doing nothing ....
This guy Matt my one supervisor is going out on furlough now and in his place they are putting Catherine this woman who emmigrated here from Haiti and I HATE this woman... she talks down to me and is just a rude indivual ... I hope they bring Matt back casue I totally couldnt deal with her at all in just one night ....
so work has been pretty good ...doing 4 days of 10 hr shifts working
week 1 wensday thursday fri sat
week 2 tuesday wens thur fri

and I work from 330 pm to 2 am ... which in itself is a sucky shift but its alright cause I can get the morning to do whatever with no one around to bug me :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

iruewgheefuhyew (thats a scream)

why is it that ppl only ever hate me or like me only as a friend??? what the heck??? really

I was told today that "Your personality makes you hot but I can't date you" well WTF?!?

Am I really that undatable???

I got this guy Zach up my butt about going out with him but I dunno if I really want to do that normal kind of relationship thing anymore ...wow that sounds dumb maybe???

And apparently the last 3 girls I like are apparently ugly??? really??? I didn't think they were!!! whatever you ppl are all blow holes

and also today I went to get my physical exam for the border patrol test and it wasnt the most comfortable thing ... I got there and had to wait forever until they called me back I did te eye test and hearing and all the other test they made me do ... then they wanted me to take my clothes (shirt and bra) off for an EKG ... and I wasnt a super huge fan of that at all ... so I took it off and put this gown thing on w/ the opening in the front ... it totally wasnt big enough and my boobs were totally popping out almost ...the sides were viewable for sure ... and of course they had me walk around the office to another room for the exam sothe woman is applying these sticky things on my legs arms and chest and comments on my "perky" boobs ... really?!? really?!? don't you have a job to do or something?!? stop looking at my boobs!!! thats about all I have to say about that oh and I am totally officially under 200 pounds so in total in the last 9-10 months I lost 64 pounds ... thats alot of fat omg im glad its gone ... some ppl say they cant notice tho and that hurts my feelings for real.... and I can do 8 push ups in 60 seconds how s that for pathetic!

wow so thats like my 3rd blog for the day I think ...

oh and tomorow I am going to work for the first time in like forever ...im excited and scared all at the same time ... I have to be in at noon oh joy ... or not really that means my supervisors will be around longer grrr

OMFG

Seriously ... I really really really hate my "friends"

I'm so sick of people making plans with me then canceling to do shit with other people!!!

How about this don't fucking talk to me EVER again! I am sick of all you people and your BULLSHIT!!!!!!

Judge Doom you really need to stop fucking calling me too. I mean why CALL ME and ask ME to hang out with YOU if you plan on calling me like 30 min before and canceling b.c you fucking boyfriend Alecsy doesnt want to go anymore ... I understand fully why you got fired from Sesame Place you're fucking insane and rude to non-aryans ... I hope you're box 6 ft under catches on fire you waste of human flesh!

Karin ...

whats up? how are you doing? Tell me all the details of your life ...ok bye

Monday, April 13, 2009

um

wow so Katie is even more of a sick fuck then I could have even ever imagined ... like last night she called to apolagize about what she said and did the previous night and just a few hours after that she writes obnoxcious shit on my facebook page about "neighborhood spas" which we all know she is refering to a concentration camp ... alls I have to say it ... thats not funny ... this girl is a fucking loony tune ... like really you know the movie Who Framed Roger Rabit ... she reminds me of the guy that wants to put all the toons in the sludge stuff ... in fact Katie will now be refered to as Judge Doom from this point forward ...

So I noticed when going thru my past blogger entries that I have girls going in and out of my life ... like perhaps a bit to much ??? I need to be focused and quit seeing so many ppl its probably not at all healthy and makes me look like a whore or something ... not that I have gone all the way with any of them but pretty dam close with Judge Doom ...yeah I have no idea what I was thinking there ...

An update on all these ppl b/c I think its important for me to remember

Nicole - who knows ... in Wind Gap waiting for me to get pregnant for her?!?
Mary - Havent spoken to her since Atlantic City trip
Stelisa (Lunesta) - well shes "sleeping over" tonight
Judge Doom - in her hate filled world of disgust and desparity ... who gives a rats ass!!!!
Jackie - Shes an odd one ... she sends me text all the time to which I never really respond b/c they arent that funny but she wants to hang out again and I'm def not for that
Mischia - well she turned out to be a big crazy psycho as well ... and she creeped me out so I no longer talk to her
Jess - um that was one night and a bad bad night ... no longer speaking to that one
Carly - Havent heard from her ... not that I really attempted to contact her ... the girl was pushy and didn't know when to just sht the fuck up!
and that concludes my list of "conquest" in the past 3 months ... wow thats ALOT of ppl ... oh wait I cant forget .... (drum roll please) ....
Heather - shes leaving me for Eric DeVirgil (SP?) LMAO

Sunday, April 12, 2009

you're a sick fuck!

So I was driving to the lesbian lub in Philly with Stelisa, Katie, and Alexi yesterday adn I had the heat on ... apparently to high... Alexi goes "what are you trying to kill us wit hthe heat?" and I was like "No I was cold I didnt even notice it was to hot" and then Katie goes "No shes a jew she likes being in ovens"

how fucked up is that???

Resisting my urge to kick her out of my moving vehicle on 95 I have decided that I will NEVER EVER EVER again speak to this girl ... she can believe whatever BS she wants but I will not subject my emotions to her anymore ... shes a fucking sick human being


and then at the club she asks me to help set her up with other women?!?!?!? WTF is wrong with this girl???

oh well not my problem anymore ... shes going to be single for ever no one except another racist POS will want to get with that and since shes like a NAZI

Which makes no sense ... a lesbian Nazi???/ really??? no that doesnt happen

And how about when we were at the club she was talking to me calling me her "buddy" holding my hand putting her arm around me like really get the fuck away from me and this was after she spent the first like hour sitting as far from me as possible giving me dirty looks and all that BS ...oh and my favorite was when she goes "My Boyfriend" I was like ugh what?!? and she goes the guy that I'm using .... yeah some poor guy (I dunno how oor he is he too is a Nazi) has been sending her thousands of dollars for shit she got a dog and like 4 game systems and 2 thousands dollars cash off of him and they NEVER met in real life ... this girl is a user and fucked up ... I'm so glad I learned my lesson no more Nazi's for this Jew

Friday, April 10, 2009

Beef Stew

In general lately I have been disinterested in just about everything. I'm not sure what that may mean but it is what it is ... I have been so bad that I am even going to see a therapist b/c im like that bad and paranoid!

I told my mother I was going to see a therapist and she spends a good 20 min up my butt asking me if I am depressed about her or if its in part due to her why I cant talk to her and a whole bunch of other questions and I just wanted to kick her in the head it was really annoying ... later on her my stepdad and I went to the food store and I was texting Lunesta (lol Karin) and my mom was like are you going steady with that girl and I was like yeah and later tonight we are gonna have sex and she was like ... Are you serious?!? all upset like ... what the hell does it matter??? Its not like I'm making you watch it... god this is why I need to see a therapist for real....

Oh and so like Katie wants to hang out tomorow and I'm like realyl nervous and I asked Lunesta to come along with and she was all like no Katie scares me and well I'm scared too but PLEASE Lunesta I can't be in a car with her :(

what just happened???

Someone one just called me from a phone number of a person I used to talk to but not anymore... and I was told by this person that "You know the girl you told me to stay away from?!? Well shes looking for you" and I don't know who I told to stay away from and who I was saying to stay away from but then they told me to call "Fran" in the morning and I don't know any Frans other than my sisters friend Fran of whom I have not seen in like 5 yrs let alone talk to ... so at this point I am scared for my life b/c of the whole Katie thing ...which is a long story and I'm not sure I'll share it with you...

I'm just very worried for my safety and thats why I have my gun :)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

ugh

So apparently I only atract seriously crazy girls ... there has to be something wrong with me to then b.c why else would that happen ALL the time???

I mean I'm not perfect but I'm not crazy like some of these people I have been meeting.

whats friggen wrong with me???

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

interesting ...not really

So this girl (stelisa) thinks im going to murder her in the woods b/c I asked her to go for a hike ... which seems pretty innocent to me like really its a hike and typically I don't murder people ... anyway she decides that we need to go to the movies and all that BS so we do ... first of all I have no idea what that movie was about or anything and after "watching" it I still have no idea what it was about (needless to say it wasnt watched ... no we didnt sit there and make out the whole time we talked the entire time..actually there was no making out ever) so I took her home and all and was thinking to myself that like that was dumb probably wont talk to her now but no she text me and then goes but I just want to be good friends like WTF??? whats with the mixed signals??? so we plan on going bowling the next day (which was yesterday) and she was going to bring along her friend Katie, a very shy girl ... or not ... so we bowl and all that good stuff (when I was tying my bowling shoes I got the "crack kills" thing said to me ... throwing that in there for Karin) then drive around go to my house for a bit whatever take Stelisa back to her car and Katie and I go to hang out at her dads house. We met up with her friend Alexi (a guy from Russia) and spent a total of like 5 minutes there at which point Mr. Charming Alexi asked me maybe 8492375736845 times to give him a blow job and also to make out with Katie ... which didnt happen ...then at least ... so yeah he decides that we should go do something so we planned to sneak into a movie but it was not for a while so we went to the mall and while in there Alexi was like lets go to the gay club in Philly ... so we got back in his car and headed towards the "gayborhood" as it is called ... Alexi was driving and I was like we need to for sure park in a parking garage b/c you wont find a spot on the street ... of course Mr Drives-a-lot doesnt listen and drives around for like half an hour looking for street parking and OMG was I annoyed when he finally pulled into a parking garage ... so from there we walk to Sisters (the lesbian club) and Alexi was a complete moron isnt convinced its a lesbian bar ... really wtf ... there was only women there and a flaming gay male bouncer at the door but he asked and the bar tender who is amazing funny as hell looks at him with the most serious look and goes "Its a gay bar" to which he goes "Is that written down anywhere" and the bartender goes "I guess all men really are stupid" and then turned around... and then he turns to me and Katie and says "so you can make out now?!?" yeah I resisted my urge to punch him in the face really hard... so I decide to go to the pool room and Mr Charming follows me and Katie down ...like really get the fuck away dude... anyway we play 2 game sof pool where Mr. Charming whispers to Katie "go make out with her" I only knew this b/c she goes "no thats akward" and I knew full well what he had just asked her ... so yeah then we leave and walk around for like a few hours ... Alexi was a jack ass some more and Katie and I made out the whole way back to her house (a 40 min drive) apparently at some point we were stopped at a red light and this guy in the car next to us rolled down his window to get a better view (according to Alexi ...)and Katie goes "let them watch" and that was that ... so yeah today I was talking to Stelisa the girl I was originally trying to get with and shes all like mad at me or something over the whole thing ... like WTF is with you one min your all hot for me and the next you want to be friends how can you be mad that I just hooked up with someone else??? she was supposed to come over for passover dinner tonight and she still hasnt responded to me that was over an hour ago usually she is nonstop texting me ... I guess I upset her but wtf dont say one thing if you don't mean it ... I'm listening to what you say not reading your mind ... and thats all about that I think Stelisa is mad at me and I'm prob never going to see Katie again ... all of which kinda sucks... at least Alexi was fun to hang out with ...actually not really

Friday, April 3, 2009

funny story... Karin you cant read this

Karin you cant read this b.c I tried to call and tell you and you didn't pick up and then i cried and so no you just can't read this


ok so tonight I went out to dinner with my family (my brother and sister mom and stepdad)
so my mom goes this is the first time in years all three of my children came out to dinner with me on my birthday ... so the waitress goes "oh are you to in college?" (pointing to me and my brother) and my sister says "I live in San Diego" and then my brother chimes in and goes "And I'm never home and shes over in there in lezbo land" and the waitress just goes "Oh, ok" and walks away like WTF LMAO