my mother

I'm really really sick of my mother

I've been sick (fever over 100*) as mentioned in my last post so I've been sleeping quite a bit this weekend ...

I told Jenn I would see her on like Wednesday (before I got sick) on Sunday for a least a few hours and as Karin will tell you I'm not in the habit of breaking promises if I can help it. So my fever went do to like 98* and I was feeling a lot better so I figured if I went to visit Jenn for a couple hours it wouldn't be a big deal ... well being as I am sick I fell asleep big shock!!!!! are you shocked?!? I'm certainly shocked !!! I got a lovely text message from my mother so when I woke up planning to go straight home I decided to go back to sleep and just spend the night with Jenn who has been much more comforting than my mother ever has been. So yeah when Jenn had to get up to leave in the morning she asked if I wanted to stay or go home so I said I should go home or my mom would be really pissed... When I got home my mom was up and just stared at me as usual she never says anything to me she treats me like shit so I went to my room and there was this page long rant in bold letters taped to my door in it she called me a drunk and useless. then she went on to say how how I was sick and she "allowed" me not to cook and clean the day before when SHE wanted my grampa to come over for dinner (no one else did) (and mind you I did dust the whole house and cook the 6 Cornish hens and the vegetables) ... I'm sick of living here and always being put down ... I could win the noble prize in biology and my mom would tell me I'm the dumbest person she has ever met

sick

I have been not feeling well for 2 weeks now in fact i just keep feeling worse and worse ... my sleeping habits are getting worse as well... at first i wasnt sleeping at all when i visited Karin they gave me some meds to help me make it through the night which helped me get some sleep with was much appreciated :) but then my body went right back to rejecting sleep again ...now im sleeping like 10+ hours a day its scary ... i cant keep my eyes open at all and I'm nauseous like all the time wtf is going on ... like i was fine until i went to the Dr to find out what this pain was in my side and then he prescribe me anti inflammatory drugs and topamax and all this other BS ... i havent worked out in like a month and i feel really weak from all of that ... i just want to stop taking these pills altogether i think they are the reason for the fever the nusua and all the other problems ... on top of that I need to find a printer and like fast cause i need to print something out like it was yesterday

blah

yeah I'm just pissed off..need a computer soon

question

can you really say you enjoyed sex with a man if you got off but only b/c you pictured women you've been with recently in your mind the whole time?


I've been thinking about that recently ...

I'm pretty sure

I'm pretty sure ...


That no matter what I'm going to hell if there is such a place (I'm all pretty certain they made "hell" up years ago to scare people into submission)

the reason is pretty logical

People on the basic principal of being animals are only supposed to be around long enough to procreate ... you know ...spread their seed

Modern medicine has allowed people to live beyong 25 yrs to have these long lives we are now accustomed to, As a 24 yr old I'm about to miss out on my basic mission in life... in one year I'll be 25 at which time I would have missed out on my life mission while watching everyone around me fulfil their own missions.

Even in the most basic life mission you're supposed to find a "mate" I can't even do that so basically I'm a pathetic animal ...

frustrations

So I am sooooo beyond frustrated these days...

I have no privacy anymore ... well its kinda my fault b/c my computers are great at getting viruses (and NO i dont look at porn!) so I've been using my moms which is sitting on the kitchen table and everyone always has to come over and be like what are you looking at? and then precedes to read whatever im reading or typing... like waht if I was having cyber sex I want privacy dam it!!! Not that I do but yeah.. I just want my computers back :( I miss them and being able to go online without having to ask if its ok to do so

also im totally confused with women ... so I go out with this girl we have an ok time (she said she had a "great" time..I think she exagerated that a bit) and then she e-mails me a day or so later and wants to hang out with a group of friends??? whats that supposed to mean exactly? so she liked me enough to be a friend and nothing more? thats fine but quit fucking with my head... in addition she makes her facebook status say something along the lines of how she enjoyed her day in Philly with strangers (she calls me a stranger.... technically I am we barely know much about each other) ... so yeah wtf??? I think im just giving up on her period ... I always have the nazi if I want to get laid

oh and speaking of the nazi her brother and mother are a fucking piece of work for real! So her brother always talks about how I am fat and ugly ... not gonna lie I'm over weight but hes like MORE overweight than I ever was!!!! and I guess I'm ugly it seems to be a concencus across the board so thats fine I cna live with it .... but dude has NEVER had a conversation with me adn thinks that my personality is determined by my weight?? no way asshole get a life ... oh and he claims that is ok for men to be overweight but women that are overweight are disgusting ... and then he tells his sister that when he gets married he is going to beat his wife b./c she has to "obey him" what an asshole now I know why he has been single every day of his 23 yrs of life! and then there is her mother who met me ONCE and I said all of about 2 sentances to her which were like hello how are you I'm a friend of Katies from Sesame Place ... and apparently that was offensive??? please where???? that was the first time I met her the second time I went to her house the Katie goes into the kitchen i follow and her mother looks at me and turns to katie and goes Katie not tonight we cat have company over she has to go home ... I didnt even say a word at that point so I start to walk out and her mom is following us adn I turn to Katie and go well you're WELCOME to come to my house and her mom glares at me .... fucking bitch ... and then later that night katies other freind Aleksy comes over and her mom claws at him according to Katie... of so anyway after I left her house the second time her brother was saying shit about how I was fat and ugle and someone should lynch me Katie stuck up for me ... a nazi standing up for a jew who woulda thunk it? and then there is the question why am I hanging around with the nazi? I don't know im still confused by it ...really I am but I really feel more comfortable with her than with many other people ...like I could be myself or something and she doesnt mind all my quirks and faults she likes and accepts them ... or maybe we are bothe beyond fucked up??? I dunno someone explain ifyou can

and then I got my new car a ford escape 2009 its amazing I love it and wouldnt trade it for the world... well maybe in 10 yrs I will trade it but I'm so happy with it right this moment

lets see what else is on my mind... I have a therapist I see 2x a month and she thinks im precognative (psychic) which kinda scares me b.c like well arent I seeing you so I wont go crazy I think you might be crazy how is that going to help me??? and also she talks to Lunesta on like a daily basis and thats not good b.c lunesta is fucking nutso herself and is prob told all of what I say ... anyway I have to goto work booooo

wow...what was wrong wit hme

so i weighed myself and my pack before going on the trip and I weighed almost as much as i did when i was still really fat it was th same!

I dont know how i wa sablle to function at that weight it is fucking insane!!!

I'll never weigh tthat again im completly disgusted by myself

An all time low

So today I wasnt supposed to work but this older woman called out b.c her son is in the hospital and very ill (auto immune disorder). I agreed to go in to cover her shift... no problems right?

Apparently not b.c at some point someone "hacked" (more like the dumb ass gives her password to anyone and everyone) into Lunesta's myspace account (I'm assuming by what she has written in her status and said to me about the incident) ... I have NO idea what was said but it at no time would ever call for her to text me this
"I hope you slit your wrist just like Megan did you stupid cunt"

Megan being my late girlfriend who committed suicide by cutting her wrist.

who says that to someone? really that is beyond uncalled for! I'm sure she has pissed off her fair share of people not just me...

oh and her new myspace status is something along the lines of "I didn't write that stuff up here one of my exes hacking into my profile I wonder who that would be dumbass!!!"

first of all if you are acusing me of doing this then get your facts straight in what universe were we ever together??? b/c on this planet in this universe we were NOT together!! not even a little bit ... we never even kissed (thankfully!!!) ... obviously she could not be refering to me right??? no dead fucking wrong she was telling people her and I were a couple .... I might not be the "perfect" woman according to many people but my standards arent that low !!!

im pretty pissed off right now and a bit depressed

Oh and Eric is a fucking psycho too but Karin can share that story ... poor Karin

so...

I met a girl .. hopefully things will go well ...seems we really like eachother ...

and on the total upside she isnt a complete psycho and actually fun!

total BS

I got punched in the face not not liking obama... and my car was vandalized ... and the cops did nothing ... just like they did nothing when that group of ppl attacked and nearly beat an innocent man to death

I'm so sick

of having to bear the burden of life anymore. I just want out and there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind it either.

No one cares about my emotions they are to busy stomping all over me/them. and really why should they I am an insignificant person who will do nothing with her life... im so pathetic I even tried to join the military but im not good enough for them either ... just got the letter to prove it ..im pathetic

someone needs to give me the strength to pull the trigger one of these days ... in the near future if you dont mind

how rediculous is this?

so long story get ready to read

so Sunday May 10th 2009 my mom was talking to my sister on the phone, while on the phone she was sealing a package located in my sisters room

Fast forward 2 days to Tuesday night ... Stelisa sleeps over (in my sisters room) Wednesday morning my mom notices the bag is open and the contents are thrown about the room. Friday my mother asks me if I opened the bag, I tell her no and she then informs me she is 99.99999999999% sure Stelisa opened the package and threw it around the room. I call Stelisa and ask if she did so, she denies and flips out (like the I'm guilty as all fuck but don't want you to know flip out). Stelisa says my mom framed her b/c she was afraid we were dating and Stelisa was "making me gay". Mind you the night before I told my mother I was gay and that she couldn't change me. Now my relationship with her is amazing!

So anyway I confront Stelisa with this information and she gets all mad saying she wants an apology from me for not defending her and from my mother for accusing her ... I told her I asnt getting stuck in the middle with this BS ...

Friday night Stelisa stays at my friend Colleen and Tonys for the night where she bashes me and my mother over the incident... then she gets even more pissed when I ask her why she said what she said to Colleen and Tony and decides the best way to deal with it is to send me pics of a woman sucking a dudes dick and being squirted in the face with cum... real mature ...

anyway I got super mad when the fat slob bitch tells me to "Go kill Myself" so now I am dead to her and shes a fucking bitch

and she is going around telling people I am lazy, rude, selfish, inconciderate, how I walked all over her, that I got her kicked out of her house (she did that all on her dam own!), and a few other choice things

anyway I have a problem b/c my therapist is her therapist and they talk on the phone all the dam time and the therapist tells Stelisa about her clients ... I'm not so comfortable going to see her anymore and I dont know if I should even go anymore ... thoughts on that?

ugh dude

ok so like I keep attracting weirdos wtf is wrong with me???

I go from the emotionless unresponsive/unreceptive nazi to an emotionless unreceptive bitch ... why cant a normal person who has somewhat of a sex drive be attracted to me???

Equality Forum

May 3rd (yesterday) was equality forum in Philly ... and what an interesting day it was ...

So I told my mother I was going to the Broad Street Run instead b/c she would like steal my car keys if I told her where I was going for real. It was definitely hard core raining, like real bad... of course we need umbrellas so Lunesta went and got some I got a purple one and Lunesta got a blue one

On the way into Philly my mother called and said "I bet you're glad you didn't go its pouring out" I definitely was STILL going we fought then I said bye and hung up ... she called back b/c she HAS to have the last word of course ... I totally didn't care and just said whatever ... aparently I'm going to get sick and die from standing out in the rain ... or not actually

We finally arrived in Philly near the rally and onward we went! the rally was pretty dead due to the rain but you can't keep a rainbow down there was still a lot of people ... and a few protestors ... one of them was fucking HOT! She was passing out these stupid little flyers saying no lie first line "Jesus loves and accepts everyone" second line "homosexuality is a sin" ... we stopped reading after that ... I wanted to throw it in her face but Lunesta just threw it on the ground ... oh well ... and another funny thing with the protestors was that we bought a pretzel and it was soooo large we couldnt finish it so she goes up to the protestor and goes "you look like you're hungry from all that hard work" he gave her a nasty look and it was funny ...

there were cops everywhere it was sickening!!! I was standing next to one and go if these protestors talk to me I'm gonna shoot them ... and then I added just kidding I don't have a gun ... I totally did tho a nice 380 :) its a sexy one too I'm gonna buy my own 380 AMT it was that hot!

Oh so there was like 100 booths or something and Lunesta made us look at all of them ... we got to one called Rainbow Alternatives and Lunesta was like go pick out a shirt ... I totally didnt want but she like forced me to and it was totally uncomfortable b/c yeah it just was ... one of the booths you got to spin a wheel and win a prize ... I got a book booo I wanted the adult video! and another booth was PCOM the school I go to and I was so excited there was a gay club on campus but there totally wasnt it was the psych students being awesome and setting up a booth for awareness ... I got a frisbee off of them and a water bottle :) ... there wasnt much going on there really

Then there was a rally we went to infront of independance hall which was fun of course and I totally couldnt find Kevin

o yeah Kevin was this guy I met the night before at the bar b/c I was trashed and was like " I KNOW YOU!" and we totally knew each other b.c we went to HS together ... then there was another girl I went to HS with and I asked her if she went to HS with me and she was all mean so that was that ... what a bitch!

anyway back to yesterday ... we called each other like 239834875 times to meet somewhere but we totally never met up b.c he got there late then he had to eat and then Lunesta HAD to eat at Sisters (the lesbian bar) so we went there and she totally wouldn't walk so we ad to get a stupid cab grrr and then I had to pay for it and I wanted to walk WTF!!! anyway we got to sisters and totally didnt eat food there ...so I was adequatly pissed off b/c I just wasted 7 bucks for nothing!! we met up with this girl Jean who is from LA and we hav the same personality almost its scary! we ate at Cozi but got food from Potbelly (awesome food!) went back to sisters and hung out upstairs... there was this cute girl in a white hat so I told Lunesta and her apporach was to push me into the girl ... who luaghed at me cuase it was stupid I apologized tryed to talk to her but she was already luaghing at me with her friend so I walked away ... later on I wasn't so "relaxed" as Jean liked to say so they gave me a 7.5 perk and alot of alcohol ... needless to say I was fucked up ... it felt good for a bit but then like I totally couldnt breath and stuff so I went outside and couldnt walk and all and these 3 super hot girls helped me out bought me a water and kept checking up on me ... I think this was after I called Karin and talk some interesting stuff to her ... some how the bouncer at Sister got my car keys and wouldnt give them back ... that was odd I forgot all of how that happened ... and then at about 1030 we left Lunesta got my keys and we ate pizza got a cab back to the car and like ... I didnt recognize the place nd freaked out at the vabb driver and didnt give him a tip ... but he got us to the right place i felt like an ass ... woops and then that was it came home and my mom was pissed at me

Please don't water the seed

So Lunesta tells me that she is "planting a seed" in me and she may "water" it


basically we had this "hypothetical" conversation about if I would get with her ... AFTER she set her friend only boundary ... and I told her I probably wouldn't try to get with her, it would be her doing all the work b/c it was her to stop any possible romantic connection.

So the seed is her wanting to get with me and telling me so ... the thing is I have NO romantic interest in her ... like at all... her personality at times is repulsive ... shes a good person but she is super bossy and yells and makes me nervous a lot ... not to mention the way she treats ppl it is absolutly repulsive ... I don't need another emotional mind fucker in my life!!! Or a person who is going to bring me down ...

Lunesta says she realyl likes my personality and that she has grown to really like me but I have grown to really not be a fan of hers ...

shes texting me right now saying "I miss you" I can't take a needy clingy person in my life or in general I need my space!

any advise on how to make her not like me but still remain friends and get her to understand that she she pushing me away as even a friend with her clingyness???

Whats wrong? ...my rant!!!

People keep bitching at me and my friends are all fighting with each other ... then asking me to pick sides and I really don't give a shit ...they're all adults they can figure it out ya know ... and then my mother the fucking bitch keeps telling em how to live my life its pissing me off ... and I was supposed to move into my sisters room like 5 yrs ago (really 5 yrs ago) and my fucking mother didn't want e too cause she wants the room to store her extra shit in she wont clean out her own closet so now she has her clothes in my brothers room hers and now MINE and I asked her to get it out so I can start painting and shit cause the walls in the other room are nasty but she refuses unless I empty out my room completely to give her space in this smaller one when she has like 23845784375678346 5other places to keep it ... I have like NOTHING and half of my clothes dont fit me... she wanted them so really Im storing a bunch of HER shit in here too... and then I have Stelisa up my butt all day everyday she wont just let me be its really annoying we aren't together ... and I have 0 interest in getting with her she pisses me off a lot! I havent had like 30 min to myself without someone telling me what to do or how to act its just getting on my FUCKING nerves and my whole day of hiking with Zach was fucking ruined when the tire blew on the highway ... I tried so hard to just go to the gym and work out my frustrations and no im still fucking pissed off and unhappy even after the two hours of torture!!! I'm really fucking sick of other people living my fucking life and I'm sick of people bitching to me about each other cause there isn't a god dam thing I can do about it like at all and I'm not picking sides when ppl fucking fight over shit that has nothing to do with me cause I'm not the cause of the problem I don't want to get involved

OMG Idiots!!!

Lamont Carolina Politics is so political.

really did it take you a while to figure that out you stupid pineapple??? really you're a fucking MORON!

get off my back!

I cant take everyone in my life fighting with one another anymore ... its really driving me nuts!!!

I cant fix all your bull shit and drama!

Take care of your own shit if you wot listen to me or take my helping hand!!!

I;m not feeling well my sugar was at 167 this morning and right now its dwn to 101 ... do you know how bad of a drop that is in 6 hours??? especially RIGHT after a work out where it should have been raised for a bit before coming down ??? I dont need your added BS I have my own shit to deal with ... I cant even see properly right now FUCK

hanna montana

yeah I totally watched that movie in the theater today with Stelisa!

Yeah we are total losers but we had such a good time throwing candy and popcorn at the other people in the place. We definitly turned our heads when they did and were like it must be the people working up there in the booth throwing it and the woman was so chill about it and she totally bought our bogus BS story lol ...

the end of the movie makes me hate going to see movies but meh whatever ...

thats all lol ... later peeps

PISSED OFF

HERE I AM AT WORK ... AND THERE IS NO FUCKING WORK! I AM BEYOND PISSED THEY FORCED ME TO COME IN FOR RUN 2 SAMPLES SO FAR ... YES JUST TWO... IN COMPARISON TO THE 80 I RAN YESTERDAY... I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS AND HAVE ANOTHER 8 TO GO ... BUT NO WORK... WHAT WAS THE NEED TO FORCE ME TO COME IN FOR THIS? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE AND I AM PISSED NOT ONLY DID I HAVE PLANS FOR TODAY BUT I AM DUCKING EXHUASTED ... I TOTALLY JUST FELL ASLEEP IN THE BREAK FROM FOR 30 MIN ... AND I THINK I WILL GO BACK TO SLEEP TO TO CATCH UP ON MUCH NEEDED SLEEP.... IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS LAB AND THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY TOLD ME AT MOST THEY WILL BRING UP1 OR 2 MORE SAMPLES ... EFFECTIVELY I COULD HAVE NOT COME TO WORK AND THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE WITHOUT THIS BS ... I REALLY REALLY HATE THEM FOR THIS B.C THEY RUINED A FEW THINGS FOR ME TODAY ...ASSHOLE!!!!

work

so I went to HR about being threatened by my supervisor and he was brought down... he apologized to be about making me feel that he was threatening me but he assured me he in no way was (BULLSHIT!!) He looked at the schedule and has me off on Sunday but I still have to go in on Sat ... I'm super pissed about it!! really this guy is a dick!!!

I'm looking for another job ASAP! But unfortunately I'll have to keep this one until I get one :(

rambling

I keep thinking about things that have happened in the past couple of days

I have to say I am ashamed of myself

For one I took the virginity of a person who identifies herself as a Nazi in her bedroom on Hitlers birthday. Who shortly there after made some super anti-semetic comments. I almost lost a great friend in the process too.

I guess really I'm just disappointed in my decision making skills when more than one person has told me what to do in the situation.

I promised Karin I wouldn't talk to her or see her anymore more and so far I have done so. She called and texted me a few times since the last time but I have not responded.

Today I found out that "If I want to keep my job I WILL be at work this weekend" This was said by the lab manager. I am so torn between just quitting that job and/or keeping my plans for that Saturday. I feel like an asshole b.c I made plans with Karin I told her I would be there. Shes probably upset due to what happened *hugs* too.

Theres more but I need to go to bed :( sleep sucks

:(

I feel so dirty for what I did last night

like I'm gonna go to hell

I don't have a name for this one .. .but read it

my sleep in the last few days have been absolutly horrible monday I didnt sleep b/c lunesta was over and taking up like my WHOLE bed so I eventually migrated to the floor and got about 4-5 hours of sleep .... Tuesday night I could sleep for some reason wensday I slept really good (a whole 7 hours str8 thru) thursday I got maaaybe 4.5 hours if I am lucky and frid I got about 5 hours ....I need to sleep like more ... like im getting sleep deprivation headaches and shit .... whatever

so I went to my therapist on Fri for the first face to face visit (we did a few over the phone) and it was def not as bad as I thought it would be ... this woman was so easy to talk to and explian things to without having o go to deep into BS ya know ...it was just chill and she explained to me how men created the violent destructive world we are in now using socialogy and aercheology FACTS to explain her valid points (I double checked and it was all true) .... I went from there to work which was boring as fuclk I was there an hour early and they wouldnt let me start early so I hung around ...Tulsi wasnt at work that was sad :( we usally make each other have a good time at work even when its boring and nothign to to do ...ya know .... of well

ok so last night when I left work and began my drive to Karins house ... along the way I was tailgated by a cop who instead of pulling me over drove around my car cut me off and pulled over the person in thew car infront of me ... it was amusing

got to Karins house and she was acting liek anutcase which was hilarious but I was soooooooooo tired some of the things she saidor I said are jsut now registering ...oh well...

oh so in the past week since I decided I wouldn't talk to Judge Doom guess who wants to hang out and shit .. yes you are correct Judge Doom does ... she is like blowing up my cell phone oh well... I fuckd her in her nazi bed I hope hitler and his buddies enjoy my Jew cum on the swastikas .... any way so yes back to today ,,,

I went to Keystone to see these ppl speak about some stuff and it was pretty lame some girl thoguht was like 15/16 and this 20 yr old boy tried hitting on me (I introduced him to the 19 yr old who thought I was in HS) the student presentations were lame as hell none of them were done their research so like WTF?!? why bother presenting?!? at least mine was done when i handed it in!!! grrr and they will all prob get better grades than me this shit makes me SOOOOOOO mad! what ever ... I am so tired I forgot what the fuck I wa sgoing to say for the rest of my day so far ... I keep thinking it was going to be funny but I just can be so sure of that .... ill try and fill in the blanks later time for sleepys

...working

SO I STARTED WORKING AGAIN!!!!!! Its so good to have something to do during the day again instead of sitting around doing nothing ....
This guy Matt my one supervisor is going out on furlough now and in his place they are putting Catherine this woman who emmigrated here from Haiti and I HATE this woman... she talks down to me and is just a rude indivual ... I hope they bring Matt back casue I totally couldnt deal with her at all in just one night ....
so work has been pretty good ...doing 4 days of 10 hr shifts working
week 1 wensday thursday fri sat
week 2 tuesday wens thur fri

and I work from 330 pm to 2 am ... which in itself is a sucky shift but its alright cause I can get the morning to do whatever with no one around to bug me :)

iruewgheefuhyew (thats a scream)

why is it that ppl only ever hate me or like me only as a friend??? what the heck??? really

I was told today that "Your personality makes you hot but I can't date you" well WTF?!?

Am I really that undatable???

I got this guy Zach up my butt about going out with him but I dunno if I really want to do that normal kind of relationship thing anymore ...wow that sounds dumb maybe???

And apparently the last 3 girls I like are apparently ugly??? really??? I didn't think they were!!! whatever you ppl are all blow holes

and also today I went to get my physical exam for the border patrol test and it wasnt the most comfortable thing ... I got there and had to wait forever until they called me back I did te eye test and hearing and all the other test they made me do ... then they wanted me to take my clothes (shirt and bra) off for an EKG ... and I wasnt a super huge fan of that at all ... so I took it off and put this gown thing on w/ the opening in the front ... it totally wasnt big enough and my boobs were totally popping out almost ...the sides were viewable for sure ... and of course they had me walk around the office to another room for the exam sothe woman is applying these sticky things on my legs arms and chest and comments on my "perky" boobs ... really?!? really?!? don't you have a job to do or something?!? stop looking at my boobs!!! thats about all I have to say about that oh and I am totally officially under 200 pounds so in total in the last 9-10 months I lost 64 pounds ... thats alot of fat omg im glad its gone ... some ppl say they cant notice tho and that hurts my feelings for real.... and I can do 8 push ups in 60 seconds how s that for pathetic!

wow so thats like my 3rd blog for the day I think ...

oh and tomorow I am going to work for the first time in like forever ...im excited and scared all at the same time ... I have to be in at noon oh joy ... or not really that means my supervisors will be around longer grrr

OMFG

Seriously ... I really really really hate my "friends"

I'm so sick of people making plans with me then canceling to do shit with other people!!!

How about this don't fucking talk to me EVER again! I am sick of all you people and your BULLSHIT!!!!!!

Judge Doom you really need to stop fucking calling me too. I mean why CALL ME and ask ME to hang out with YOU if you plan on calling me like 30 min before and canceling b.c you fucking boyfriend Alecsy doesnt want to go anymore ... I understand fully why you got fired from Sesame Place you're fucking insane and rude to non-aryans ... I hope you're box 6 ft under catches on fire you waste of human flesh!

Karin ...

whats up? how are you doing? Tell me all the details of your life ...ok bye

um

wow so Katie is even more of a sick fuck then I could have even ever imagined ... like last night she called to apolagize about what she said and did the previous night and just a few hours after that she writes obnoxcious shit on my facebook page about "neighborhood spas" which we all know she is refering to a concentration camp ... alls I have to say it ... thats not funny ... this girl is a fucking loony tune ... like really you know the movie Who Framed Roger Rabit ... she reminds me of the guy that wants to put all the toons in the sludge stuff ... in fact Katie will now be refered to as Judge Doom from this point forward ...

So I noticed when going thru my past blogger entries that I have girls going in and out of my life ... like perhaps a bit to much ??? I need to be focused and quit seeing so many ppl its probably not at all healthy and makes me look like a whore or something ... not that I have gone all the way with any of them but pretty dam close with Judge Doom ...yeah I have no idea what I was thinking there ...

An update on all these ppl b/c I think its important for me to remember

Nicole - who knows ... in Wind Gap waiting for me to get pregnant for her?!?
Mary - Havent spoken to her since Atlantic City trip
Stelisa (Lunesta) - well shes "sleeping over" tonight
Judge Doom - in her hate filled world of disgust and desparity ... who gives a rats ass!!!!
Jackie - Shes an odd one ... she sends me text all the time to which I never really respond b/c they arent that funny but she wants to hang out again and I'm def not for that
Mischia - well she turned out to be a big crazy psycho as well ... and she creeped me out so I no longer talk to her
Jess - um that was one night and a bad bad night ... no longer speaking to that one
Carly - Havent heard from her ... not that I really attempted to contact her ... the girl was pushy and didn't know when to just sht the fuck up!
and that concludes my list of "conquest" in the past 3 months ... wow thats ALOT of ppl ... oh wait I cant forget .... (drum roll please) ....
Heather - shes leaving me for Eric DeVirgil (SP?) LMAO

you're a sick fuck!

So I was driving to the lesbian lub in Philly with Stelisa, Katie, and Alexi yesterday adn I had the heat on ... apparently to high... Alexi goes "what are you trying to kill us wit hthe heat?" and I was like "No I was cold I didnt even notice it was to hot" and then Katie goes "No shes a jew she likes being in ovens"

how fucked up is that???

Resisting my urge to kick her out of my moving vehicle on 95 I have decided that I will NEVER EVER EVER again speak to this girl ... she can believe whatever BS she wants but I will not subject my emotions to her anymore ... shes a fucking sick human being


and then at the club she asks me to help set her up with other women?!?!?!? WTF is wrong with this girl???

oh well not my problem anymore ... shes going to be single for ever no one except another racist POS will want to get with that and since shes like a NAZI

Which makes no sense ... a lesbian Nazi???/ really??? no that doesnt happen

And how about when we were at the club she was talking to me calling me her "buddy" holding my hand putting her arm around me like really get the fuck away from me and this was after she spent the first like hour sitting as far from me as possible giving me dirty looks and all that BS ...oh and my favorite was when she goes "My Boyfriend" I was like ugh what?!? and she goes the guy that I'm using .... yeah some poor guy (I dunno how oor he is he too is a Nazi) has been sending her thousands of dollars for shit she got a dog and like 4 game systems and 2 thousands dollars cash off of him and they NEVER met in real life ... this girl is a user and fucked up ... I'm so glad I learned my lesson no more Nazi's for this Jew

Beef Stew

In general lately I have been disinterested in just about everything. I'm not sure what that may mean but it is what it is ... I have been so bad that I am even going to see a therapist b/c im like that bad and paranoid!

I told my mother I was going to see a therapist and she spends a good 20 min up my butt asking me if I am depressed about her or if its in part due to her why I cant talk to her and a whole bunch of other questions and I just wanted to kick her in the head it was really annoying ... later on her my stepdad and I went to the food store and I was texting Lunesta (lol Karin) and my mom was like are you going steady with that girl and I was like yeah and later tonight we are gonna have sex and she was like ... Are you serious?!? all upset like ... what the hell does it matter??? Its not like I'm making you watch it... god this is why I need to see a therapist for real....

Oh and so like Katie wants to hang out tomorow and I'm like realyl nervous and I asked Lunesta to come along with and she was all like no Katie scares me and well I'm scared too but PLEASE Lunesta I can't be in a car with her :(

what just happened???

Someone one just called me from a phone number of a person I used to talk to but not anymore... and I was told by this person that "You know the girl you told me to stay away from?!? Well shes looking for you" and I don't know who I told to stay away from and who I was saying to stay away from but then they told me to call "Fran" in the morning and I don't know any Frans other than my sisters friend Fran of whom I have not seen in like 5 yrs let alone talk to ... so at this point I am scared for my life b/c of the whole Katie thing ...which is a long story and I'm not sure I'll share it with you...

I'm just very worried for my safety and thats why I have my gun :)

ugh

So apparently I only atract seriously crazy girls ... there has to be something wrong with me to then b.c why else would that happen ALL the time???

I mean I'm not perfect but I'm not crazy like some of these people I have been meeting.

whats friggen wrong with me???

interesting ...not really

So this girl (stelisa) thinks im going to murder her in the woods b/c I asked her to go for a hike ... which seems pretty innocent to me like really its a hike and typically I don't murder people ... anyway she decides that we need to go to the movies and all that BS so we do ... first of all I have no idea what that movie was about or anything and after "watching" it I still have no idea what it was about (needless to say it wasnt watched ... no we didnt sit there and make out the whole time we talked the entire time..actually there was no making out ever) so I took her home and all and was thinking to myself that like that was dumb probably wont talk to her now but no she text me and then goes but I just want to be good friends like WTF??? whats with the mixed signals??? so we plan on going bowling the next day (which was yesterday) and she was going to bring along her friend Katie, a very shy girl ... or not ... so we bowl and all that good stuff (when I was tying my bowling shoes I got the "crack kills" thing said to me ... throwing that in there for Karin) then drive around go to my house for a bit whatever take Stelisa back to her car and Katie and I go to hang out at her dads house. We met up with her friend Alexi (a guy from Russia) and spent a total of like 5 minutes there at which point Mr. Charming Alexi asked me maybe 8492375736845 times to give him a blow job and also to make out with Katie ... which didnt happen ...then at least ... so yeah he decides that we should go do something so we planned to sneak into a movie but it was not for a while so we went to the mall and while in there Alexi was like lets go to the gay club in Philly ... so we got back in his car and headed towards the "gayborhood" as it is called ... Alexi was driving and I was like we need to for sure park in a parking garage b/c you wont find a spot on the street ... of course Mr Drives-a-lot doesnt listen and drives around for like half an hour looking for street parking and OMG was I annoyed when he finally pulled into a parking garage ... so from there we walk to Sisters (the lesbian club) and Alexi was a complete moron isnt convinced its a lesbian bar ... really wtf ... there was only women there and a flaming gay male bouncer at the door but he asked and the bar tender who is amazing funny as hell looks at him with the most serious look and goes "Its a gay bar" to which he goes "Is that written down anywhere" and the bartender goes "I guess all men really are stupid" and then turned around... and then he turns to me and Katie and says "so you can make out now?!?" yeah I resisted my urge to punch him in the face really hard... so I decide to go to the pool room and Mr Charming follows me and Katie down ...like really get the fuck away dude... anyway we play 2 game sof pool where Mr. Charming whispers to Katie "go make out with her" I only knew this b/c she goes "no thats akward" and I knew full well what he had just asked her ... so yeah then we leave and walk around for like a few hours ... Alexi was a jack ass some more and Katie and I made out the whole way back to her house (a 40 min drive) apparently at some point we were stopped at a red light and this guy in the car next to us rolled down his window to get a better view (according to Alexi ...)and Katie goes "let them watch" and that was that ... so yeah today I was talking to Stelisa the girl I was originally trying to get with and shes all like mad at me or something over the whole thing ... like WTF is with you one min your all hot for me and the next you want to be friends how can you be mad that I just hooked up with someone else??? she was supposed to come over for passover dinner tonight and she still hasnt responded to me that was over an hour ago usually she is nonstop texting me ... I guess I upset her but wtf dont say one thing if you don't mean it ... I'm listening to what you say not reading your mind ... and thats all about that I think Stelisa is mad at me and I'm prob never going to see Katie again ... all of which kinda sucks... at least Alexi was fun to hang out with ...actually not really

funny story... Karin you cant read this

Karin you cant read this b.c I tried to call and tell you and you didn't pick up and then i cried and so no you just can't read this


ok so tonight I went out to dinner with my family (my brother and sister mom and stepdad)
so my mom goes this is the first time in years all three of my children came out to dinner with me on my birthday ... so the waitress goes "oh are you to in college?" (pointing to me and my brother) and my sister says "I live in San Diego" and then my brother chimes in and goes "And I'm never home and shes over in there in lezbo land" and the waitress just goes "Oh, ok" and walks away like WTF LMAO

food

ok so im sick of ppl asking me what I like and when I tell them they go ok shorter list tell me what you do like

heres a list of what I dont like

pork/split hoofed animals (religious reasons)
shellfish (religious reasons)
meat w/ cheese (religious reasons)
fried foods (nutritionally i try to not eat them but they are tasty)
red meats (I think the taste is nasty)

What I do eat
Everything else

ummm so yeah

I am quite possibly the most lucky person in the world like OMG sooooo lucky


more to this story n a bit have a phone interview for a job in Cali

OK back

Ok so I am soooo lucky I was pulled over in Jersey going 20 miles over the speed limit

I was sooo scared b/c the cop had me pulled over for almost 45 minutes and he just gave me a "warning" and as he walks away he goes "nice bumper stickers" I think my stickers got me out of the ticket thank god ... and apparently Karin says I could have lost my license well that would have been horrible!!!

yeah so

people and their vanity really pisses me off...

like really i want to stick a fucking dagger in some ppls eyes

I need

a girlfriend
a job
new friends
something to do
basically a squirreling life !!!

flying home

so I learned a little bit of the lingo used by airlines

Lay over - means there is a stop where you deplane and then board another one
Direct flight - flight goes from one place to another but stops somewhere in the middle, you dont deplane
Non-stop- plane flys from one location to another without stopping when you deplane you are at your destination



So now the story


So I was on a direct flight from Tucson to Philly (stopping in Chicago but I was to remain ON the plane) So there I go getting to the airport LATE because robin is an asshole and wouldnt get up on time to take me ...got she made me so angry!!! anyway I was chilling at the gate for like 10 min before we had to get on the plane ... Southwest has pick your own seat seating so yeha I got a window seat (YEA BUDDY!!) but an old woman ended up sitting next to me she was pretty nice I liked her but the woman on the end was so fucking annoying the kind that holds a book in their hand while blabbering on about something stupid ... and now i dont wonder why she was reading those kiddy books she had for her "grandson" anymore ... anyway yeah when we got into Chicago
and all the "local" passengers got off that left me and like 18 other people still ON the plane heading to Philly... so about 5 min after sitting there they tell us we all have to get off and come back in like an hour b.c philly airport was calling in a landing delay or something ... oh whatever so I walked around the airport for a while i got the greatest sandwhich from this place it was a hoagie roll with mustard and salami but it was toasted omg sooooo good!!! anyway I got a post card to send to this girl Crista to make her laugh ...I sent it to Karin so she better give it to her or Ill kick her butt ... anyway yeah so everyone gets on the plane and its loaded ...I was in the second row (still in the window seat YES!!!) so this cute little old lady was seated next to me the stewaress put her bag in the overhead along with the cane ... some dude comes in trying to put his bag in the space next to the old womans back and it didnt work so they moved it across the aisle to another overhead bin anyway yeah this guy thought he was supper funny but he just WASNT ... anyway yeahso off we go in the time zone machine and we get into philly and fly in circles for like 15 min finally we land and then find out tat there isnt an open gate yet the captin assures us only 5 - 10 min before we can start getting off ... yeah not so much it wasnt until like 40 min later that we got off the plane ... we just sat n the run way :( ... ok so yeah the stewerdessgoes on the load speaker and says "Hey Captin how do you keep 119 ppl in suspense" I kinda found that funny but I just wanted to get off the plane so I didnt luagh ... anyway during this 40 min wait the old lady decides she NEEDS her phone and cane ... so the stewerdess helps her the old woman says its a light blue bag so the stewerdess pulls down the bad but the old woman is like thats not it so her and the other stewerdess franticall y search all the overheads for a few min and getting a bit upset ... that was amusing... then the old woman goes well maybe that WAS my bag so thye bring it down again and then shes like THAtS MY BAG all excited lol ... yeah that was ust funny ... thats all

because Karin asked for it

So when I was in Cali Karin hooked me up with her buddy Matt ... he invited me to a cook out at some girls house he knows

so he originally told me like 230-ish
at like 1130 he was like I'll call you in a half an hour with the address ...totally didnt hear from him till like 100 but then it was at like 530 so that was cool cuase oceanside,ca is like a 45 min drive from pacific beach ..i totally drove like 10 min in the wrong direction so like that was awesome

when i finally got to the house this girl lives in a culdasac thing so i went u to the wrong house and totally felt like an asshole

they found me and like cracked open a beer for me first thing when i walked in it was great :) and they were making deviled eggs mmmmmm yummy and chicken and burgers and all sort of yummys it was great :)

ok so robin wants to go hang out at a luandromat today so I have to get ready ... i havnt eaten a fucking thing today nad im starting to get dizzy but of course she doesnt give a shit i really want to smack her upside the head ...ill finish this later



BACK!!!

ok so there was this guy there his name was ...ugh I dunno it doesnt really matter what his name was but that dude drank like a litter of vodka str8 along with some jagar ... it was sick!! yeah and there was more i totally forgot about most of it ... Karin fill these ppl in I believe I was texting you

so yesterday Robin and I had a good day .... yeah I know

Today was good too ...we were drving and this guy was staring at us so Robin rolled down the window and I stared back his kid closed her window ... then we were stopped at a light and he was STILL staring so I rolled the window down and started talking to him I was like "do you have a dog?" and he was like "no" so I was like "you should get one their friendly loyal nad energetic" he luaghed and it was funny it went on for a bit ...after the light he rolled his window again and a block or two later he was turning so I signed him the universal peace symbol (which in England means fuck you lol) ...but yeah the whole thing was funny

and now Robin and Tammy are watching this movie called Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants and I want to like take a pen knife to my trache and well yeah ...

Eric Hutchenson ...that the artist of a song that was just playing in the movie and Robin whipped out her V-cast thing on her phone ... if they asked i coulda told them ... yeah

any way so yeah Nicole hasnt said a word to me since I was like "we need to have a serious talk about our relationship" I guess she just wanted me for my uterus ... thats sad I guess I really do suck :(

so yeah apparently my typing is bothering them so I'll type more tomorow

So yesterday I drove 7.5 hours to get to the grand canyon well here I am still 1.5 hours away on in the flagstaff public library...

First I have to say the drive from San Diego to Flagstaff is absolutly beautiful (I took pics from my car as I was driving so check myspace/facebook for them)

Next I have to say is that anyone travelling to the Grand Canyon DON"T STOP IN WILLIAMS AZ!!!!

I stayed in this shady hotel called The Westerner and let me tell you not a good experience.
The advertise free internet cable tv a fridge microway and a "pleseant time" let me tell you anything BUT pleseant!!

The TV didn't work the internet was 4 bucks per ever 15 min (I didnt pay it tho) the fridge and microwave didnt work ..nor did the lights or ANY outlet!!! the water took forever and a day to get warm and it was still kinda cold and then the people who run the hotel were nasty as hell NOT A PLESENT STAY!!!!

Another unpleseant thing was the Pine County Diner ...they didnt have good pie it was a total waste of 5 bucks ..but the Route 66 Cruisers Cafe was awesome got the yummiest food there :) ...

Anyway theres this restuarant in flagstaff called the Galaxy Diner it is amazing ppl should drive here just for that food!

lets see anything else??? nope well i'm about to go hit up the grand canyon and I'll take pics so keep an eye out :) later peeps

San Diego

OK so I lied I LOVE San Diego its 1000000x better than LA!!! the only thing LA has is Amoeba records (best record store EVER) and Pengiuns Fish (Great food!!).

I'm enjoying my time here much better now that I am with my sister and her boyfriend. Hes really nice I'm glad my sister found someone nice to be with.

I'm missing all my friends and my pets tho :(

I'll update later ...interview time ... wish me luck...

OK Update time 

So I went to my interview it went fairly well, once I was done with that I drove around and handed my resume out to whoever would take it (companies not ppl off the street) I got some good responses and some not so good ones ... like the woman who was like "we arent hiring" and wouldnt even take my resume. Oh well whatever when I got back to my sisters apartment I changed into my shorts (apparently I am pale as a ghost everyone feels the need to tell me that) and got ready for hiking up Iron Mountain in Poway, CA... it took us an hour and 12 minutes to climb up it ... it was like the hardest hike I ever had to hike in my life it was like 4 miles of pure hell and then I had to go DOWN (oooo it was so worth it I loved it and the view was spectacular I have pics on my phone I have to buy the cord to up load them on the computer tho... I sent the pics to Karin she can tell you how nice it was... ok on the way to the top (maybe .2 miles away some guy and his dog come by and the dog comes up to my so i put out my hand so she could smell it .. yeah she started barking adn almost bit me ... guess she didnt like me ... in the way down there was the cutest puppy a boxer and that dog licked my hand and walked away and then towards the very very end another dog who sniffed my hand then squatted to take a wiz.... I had a bad dog day :( ... so anyway yeah that hike was amazing after the hike I was supposed to hang out with Jess but she was like I cant go out after 430 ..wtf Jess you're like 26 your parents blow!!!! so whatever we didnt chill ... oh well ... instead I walked 1.5 miles to the starbucks to log onto the internet ... when I got here all the tables were being used I asked one guy if he could share seeing as how he wasnt using it ... he looked at me like I had ten heads gave a look of disgust and shook his head about 10 min later STILL WAITING a skinny but-her-face girl walks in asks the same question and he welcomes her to the table with joy ... can we say ASSHOLE?!?!?!?! ... I knew ya could ... so yeah but my plans for tomorow are to drive to the grand canyon and then to Albecourquie, NM (thats spelled SOOO wrong but you can sound it out) then back to Tucson which you all know I am sooooo excited about.  

so yeah ttyl and Karin feel better I love you :) 

California

Yesterday I drove about 6 hours (a 7 hour drive ..oops) from Tucson.AZ to Orange, CA

I took I-8 for about 300 miles and I have to say it is an absolutly magnificant view ... I love the senery out here.

Along the drive I nearly ran out of gas ... fantastic (seriously I had like 10 miles left worth of gas) and this occured b/c I refused to buy gas when I first stopped assuming that there would be another gas station soon ... the gas was 2.45$ ... it was scary driving with nearly no gas like OMG there was NOTHING around if I needed help and the exits are like 10 miles apart ... I drove pst something called "Devils Drop" so I stopped and looked ... yea I wouldnt recoment anyone jump down that canyon/cliff.

When I finally got to my hotel (I saw he buildign but couldnt find where to pull in took me liek 15 minutes to actually get TO it) I had to race out and get to my interview which I arrived at the moment the clocked turned hehe the receptionist was liek thats good timing to me... I dont think I'll be getting that job the people didnt seem to like me much :( .. oh well it was a cool job as a biology assistant 1 working with animals

So my hotel is awesome it has a little kitchen unit and all so I can make food there instead of going out and spending lots I enjoy that alot ya know ... and it has the best bath tub ever!!! yeah I took a bath for like literally 2 hours came out looking like a people prune ... so well worth it :)

So today I'm going to LA for some interviews (not right now obviously but in like an hour)

I'm in a library atm and got my very own CA library card ...

Apparently there was jsut an earthquake too a moment ago ... it felt like when you are on a rollercoaster and just go down the first fall... I just thought someone pushed the computer desk but no everyone felt it ... so this will go down as my first survival of an earthquake ... honestly if anyone died I would be suprised ... I do wonder how it feels to be driving during an earchquake b/c liek the whole building moved would the cars move too??? that has to be scary ... well off to make some lunch and go to my last intervew ... woo hoo

oh and LA is great but super expensive (gas is 2.19-ish) and food is liek twice what I would pay back home

I think I don't want to move out here anymore I want to leave home but im not sure where jsut somewhere!!

Robin

So being here for the past week or so with my friend from grade school I realized that we have nothing in common at all...

its sad to think that we went all these years of being apart and then found each other that forging a friendship is so difficult ...

I can see it now that we were probably not meant to be friends forever just for the time being ...I've moved on with my life and she has moved on with hers...

I guess it just hurts to know that the first person you were best friends with is now merely a complete and total stranger...

I kinda feel bad for us but more so the lack of life she has ...

So by now we all know that I am in AZ visiting my friend and that I'll be here till March 11th ... isn't it grand

well in short not really ...

Yesterday was Lauras last day here before flying back to NJ (this is the mean girl I talked about earlier) yesterday were went to a town called Tombstone the town itself was really fun and exciting well ... I enjoyed myself ... but there were things that really bugged me ... for instance I told them I needed to eat (I'm diabetic I need food when I need it) around 1:30 we didn't eat until about 4:00 (we ordered before that but we had to wait for the food to get to the table) I was starting to get all sweaty and cold and dizzy and lightheaded it just wasnt at all good ... and Laura has the nerve to go "Do you really have to eat now?" Yes ass I do! Who the hell are you? Are you a doctor? Are you going to take me to the hospital when I go in shock? the answer to these questions are all NO so STFU!!!! anyway yeah the begining of our trip was also so exciting they decided that it would be awesome if they counted the times I say awesome in a day b/c apparently I say it way to much...the count was 124 in case you were wondering... and then they felt the need to comment on my accent which really isnt an accent from anywhere I say my vowels long so instead of phone its phOOne ...for awesome it goes AWEsome ..but like who cares you know what I'm saying so why make fun of it its not liek its any diffrent than anyone else ...its neglish and you understand it so STFU!!! the whole day I felt like I was an outsider and totally being held captive or something ... dont get me wrong I did enjoy myself I just cant stand when ppl gang up on me its quite aggrevating ...

on top of all of this Nicole decides that she wants to be with me forever and ever and no one else now (where did this sense of intensity come from??? ...no idea) She dumped her g/f for me and she wants to come to CA with me to start 'our family' she says that she will never leave me and will provide for me and our FIVE kids for life ... she really really scares me with this intensity ... she also was willing to fly out to CA to be with me tonight and so that tomorow we could make out at the zoo ... yes make out like 13 yr olds under the bleachers or something ... no Nicole I am almost 24 and I am not that immature and I can't just leave my life in the wind so YOU can have a family I dont want babies at this point in my life I'm not financially stabe or near anysense of stability ... I cant start a family and definitly not with a perosn liek you who will latch yourself to anyone who will give you the time of day ... I don't even see what I saw in you in the first place or why you have choosen me for that matter ... you need to do some soul searching and figure out what it is you want I think you just need someone to love you unconditionally and that can be a puppy for all intensive purposes if you want I would go to the shelter with you ...

lets see as for my thoughts and all well I am currently thinking that I am missing my life ... I feel as if I am living my life thru someone elses body I have no say and no one listens when I speak ... I want to be in control again to feel like life is worth living again I'm sick of this depression and sadness and lack of control ... Another thing I have been thinking about is the lack of love in my life ...I mena there is the crazy nicole but she isnt anything that I want to be with forever ... no I want someone who can see past the end of her nose and be in love with me not my uterus (oh and to add to nicoles wierdness she tells me to go find a guy and fuck him ..in those words exactly) ... anywho so yeah there is this girl Jackie that I have been talking to but I dunno if it is going to ever go anywhere shes really nice totally sarcastic blunt smart and speaks her mind definitly my type of girl (The not playing mindgamers..yea I love those ones) and we get along wonderfully but the thing is we only hung out a few times and she is interested I can see that its obvious her friends even tell me but like I dunno if I really LIKE her ... on paper if you were to list the pros and cons of this girl it would be 4:1 but for some reason I am like blocking myself from falling for her ...i'm seriously scared to be in love again after megan ... or maybe this all has to do with Nicole freaking me out again ... I dunno ... I just want to feel something I havnt been doing any feeling in the recent days ... oh and on valentines day from (2-13-09) 1130 to (2-14-09) 2:30 am I was having sex with my ex Joe (the moron who tried to cheat on me but I cuaght him before he did and had an excuse to end it....so I did) I was there from 9pm to 3 am the next day just to be clear ... so anyway the sex was absolutly empty and menaingless even afterwards I jsut go dressed and was like I gotta go and he was the one to be like no lets talk about this blah blah blah like is there something wrong with me??? why do I just not care ??? I just want my life back thats all I want ... I need to feel emotion soon or I might explode from this lack of humanity within

Ricky Martin

Last night Robin her friend Amber and I went to this bar called Reilys Irish Tavern ... it was pretty swell let me tell you ... haha no I really enjoyed it there

The 3 of us were sitting in the back at a table and this guy approaches us clearly drunk and starts flirting with us all haha it was funny at first then we all felt bad for him

He asked the three of us (yes 3) to marry him and I go ok but do we have to sleep in the same bed?? ya because I didnt want to at all lol ... poor guy ...

So yeah we all introduced ourselves and I go whats your name? he goes Ricky and I was like cool hi ricky and got thru the boring formalties of conversation the what do you do how old are you (which he said 35 but then negotiated down to 30 to make us more 'comfortable') all those ya know and then i forgot why but i asked him what his last name was and he goes MARTIN ... the 3 of us cracked up b.c it was fairly funny

At the begining of our encounter he was liek I'm gonna sing kareoke for you ladies and we were liek OK whatever pal ... he told us to pick for him so I told him to sing Livin' Lavida Loca by Ricky Martin and he was liek Oh that one of course ... he never sang the song for us tho he get up and drank another pitcher of beer and some shots and then we called a taxi for him ...

there was way more funny stuff but thats all I can remmeber the night was a total trip

Arizona

is gorgeuous ... yeah im enjoying it alot

i have more to say

So I arrived in AZ like an hour later than expected not to bad concidering ya know... my friend Robin and I went to a waffle house where neither of us got a waffle. Down here Waffle house is considered trucker food apparently...well its very good trucker food

The second day we were to drive to Sedona AZ with my friends friend Tammy and her friend luara who is also visiting ... Before leaving we ate at this awesome buffet type restuarant called sweet tomatoes (YUM) and then we were off on our grand adventure ... so the ride up was pretty amazing we had some good times in the car ... perhaps I'll post the video of out car trip and sedona or possible pics ... or not ... so anyway we stopped to watch the sun set and all which of course was beautiful ... when we arrived at our motel thing I wasnt feeling very well from my own stupidity as Karin well knows I need to eat when I begin feeling light headed and yucky ... I was really bad sweating and being freezing at the same time and then everything was spinning ..yeah I needed some sugar or food or something ASAP ... so we went to this mexican food place (we all know how much i love that *eye roll* but I ate there anyway got the only thing on the menu I could eat a thing with cheese in it .... it was a bit too cheesy so I scarped alot off it wasnt to bad then infact I liked it ... Tammy got this monster taco salad and Robin got ...sometihng lol I forget ... Laura got the same thing I did with veggies and complained the whole time about it ... ugh she did alot of that after that we went to a blues bar and played pool ... uneventful ... then it was bed time and apparently im a blanket hog and a midnight smacker ....




so time for the next day we go hiking !!! YAY I was excited about that and rightfully so it was awesome ... everyone had a good time except Laura who was very glum in the beginging and later revealed her dislike for my friend Robin and in fact she barely spoke to her friend Tammy I think I got along best with her ... go figure right ... Laura like refused to put money in for the hotel or gas money and that really pissed us all off other people had to put in her share ... she goes well I paid 200 bucks to fly out here I should have too ... well truth be told as did I and I didnt want to stay in a hotel at all ... anyway ... Laura wanted to see the sun rise so we got up at 6 am to do so it was well worth it ... after we had breakfatse the four of us climbed this rock called bell *something*(maybe rock????) that I dubbed boob rock ... it looked like a boob with hug nipples !!!!! we most definitly went up into areas that we werent supposed to (no trails) but it was ok at one point Laura and I went off on our own seperate way at which point she told me how she was having a better time and glad we went hiking ... a bit after she vented to me about some personal stuff and I understood her glum attitude but told her to enjoy what she has b/c what you want is not always possible its the small moments in life that you have and miss and later regret this being one of them ... she lightened up and was good until we got back with Robin and Tammy at which point she was ms cranky pants again ... as we were desencding boob rock Robin goes look no one fell not a moment later the poor girls ankle gives out and she just drops to the ground at which point Tammy her friend goes robin smile for the camera.... haha that was funny ... after the hike we went to an indian rest Lauras pick for lunch ... it was yummy of course and then we began our drive home ... ms grumpy pants was in the front not speaking at all and robin and I were in the back texting each other about what her adn I talked about when we went off on our own ... at some point I asked if I could drive and thankfully I was allowed Tammy was driving horribly and stressing me out ... She agreed I could drive up to the heart attack grill and then she would take over once more ... Tammys car needs a serious alighnment... anyway my navigator gave me some bad directions and we were slughtly lost but not to worry we found it ... once we got there Laura complained and so she made us feel bad so we didnt eat there instead we went to some place called the regal beagle (or beagle regak) apparently someone ate there in this show ... it was disgusting and just ewww... then we continued on back to tuscon nothing really eventful and went to bed ... before bed I watched Alvin and the Chipmunks lol it was cute and that is my trip to Sedona AZ and back from Tuscon AZ

oh and Sedona is quite possibly one of the most beautiful place I've ever had the privledge to view .....

Gay Roller Skating

Yeah so I went to this roller skating rink tonight and it was gay night ... sweet right?!? Heck yeah it was!

It was good times ... I fell once b/c this dude couldn't skate for shit and plowed into me on the curve part of the rink.

So yeah I was talking to this girl for like an hour ... a friggen hour... we exchange contact info and all that and then her gay guy friend comes up and says something to the effect of lesbians don't like female fag hags .... uuugggghhhhh dammit!

so then Jackie (Klondike) sends me a text and tells me how she got kicked out of her house for something completely retarded. ..I think we are going to start 'talking' again soon when I come back from CA. I dunno tho

LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea...'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?



Thanks Tulsi this is funny

Juicy Booty

So we all know those girls who wear shorts with words on their shorts (across their butts) that say "Sexy" or "Juicy" or whatever else. You know the girls that have a BILLBOARD on their ass and then get upset when you look at it.

First of all you have something written on your ass who isn't going to look at it? I mean seriously its human nature to at least take a glance! So why get all upset?!?

And another thing why have your assboard read "Juicy" or "Sexy" when you have a flat ass and you're anything BUT sexy!

Its false advertising!!!

Its like if I decided to get dressed up in a police uniform with the whole bit but when someone runs up to me screaming bloody murder I would have to say "Sorry ma'am I'm not really a police officer I'm just wearing the uniform"

ITS FALSE FUCKING ADVERTISING!!!!

The End

Officially Gangsta

zero: now your officially gangsta

Sweet so that give me free license to bust a knee cap and smack ppl with the BBE and NAR sticks


:) NICE!!!

Would you have sex with a boy?!?

Yes that one line is the highlight of my fairly adventurous day.

Lets start at the beginning and work our way down to that magical comment said by my current infatuation Jackie ( aka Klondike by which she will now be referred to as)

So from 2 am to 4am I was on the phone with people which sucked b/c I had to wake up at like 8:30 so I had like NO sleep whatsoever. Woke up at 8:30 by my annoying alarm which apparently I didn't turn off properly and went off again while I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth, so the dog decides to howl (yes howl) at the alarm. It was kinda cute actually hehe. Ok so then I'm like dude I bet Karin is still asleep so I sent her a text. which of course she didn't respond to (bitch). The creepy wierdo that I am of course called her house number and then found out that her cell phone is broken. so yeah that was awesome ... after she switched to a new one I began my journey and she hers.

So there we are me the car and the (not so) open road. I inputted the address into my GPS and was off ... so yeah if you know me you know I like my guns (yeah I was packing some) so when my GPS sent me off into NJ I was a little uncomfortable but I slowed down (to the speed limit) and went until I crossed over in PA again. Which totally sucked b.c it was the first 5 min of driving in PA then an hour in NJ then 5 min in PA again ... so by my count thats like 8 felonies for driving ...so then i finally get there and apparently its a residential area??? for the mall???? no way!!! so I reset my GPS and it says 3 miles from the mall so I was like AGGHHH GRRR and turned around to get to it... which totally totally sucked b.c I had to pee like a MOFO ... so after like a 15 minutes ride (to go somewhere 3 miles away) I was finally at the stupid mall ... yeah i walked around that mall for I dont know how long looking for the bathroom ... didnt find it AGGGGHHHH ... so I go sit in my car and tell that feeling to go away (and successfully do so) then finally Karin and John show up at which time I narrowly miss hitting karin with my car for being so dam late ... and can you believe Karin walks into the mall and finds the BR like no ones business ...well if I asked the guy at the table I woulda found it too but thats to easy. So we all go to use the BR but wheres John?!? oh he was swallowed by the toilet gods but they spit him out and yea its all good he survived. so on the way out Karin wants to look at the puppies ... I still want the husky not he boy but the girl (what did youexpect) ... then we leave to go the Palmer Diner I was the navigator (Karin follewed me to the diner) yeah well I almost missed a stop sign and she nearly hit my car (didnt think I saw that did you ...did you!!!!) anyway the waitress propably thought we were on drugs and all but its all good my home fries where nasty and the egg was kinda tough but whatever its diner food ... so then we leave and Karin is an asshole with that song ... yeah so we were awesome and acted like gangsta in the parking lot blasting our radios and smoking cigs ... haha not really but serioulsy ... then we departed and I realized oh shit i need to pee!!!! so I attempted to stop like 10 times but there was no bathroom at the 'rest stop' and the 2 exits I got off of were vacant of life grrrr so i drive for another like 20 min and finally get to a place with a bathroom ... and the guy is yelling at me from behind the door about how i cant use the bathroom unless I buy something so I assured him I would once I got out since I wasnt about to stop peeing for this dude ... once I got out of the bathroom I totally left without buying anything HAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH ... ok so yeah I was gonna stop home but I was going to hang out with Klondike so I went straight into the city

So it took me like 45 min to find her b/c I couldnt find a single parking space and when I finally did I was chased away by parking authority ... oh well so yeah finally found a spot and met up with her at the star bucks (EEEEEEWWWWW) so yeah then we were off to 'the Wok' I was excited to go b.c its authentic take off your shoes and sit on the floor japanese ...but no they were closed not opened until 5 (it was 3:45) so GRRRRRRRR ... instead I took her to my favorite restuarant in Philly which is Mamas vegitarian. She complained about 'us vegitarians' at which point i reassured her I eat meat just not alot of it.... ok so we got the restuarant and she looked cross eyed at the stuff so I ordered for her (which she loved ...of course) anyway after that we went to the candy store b/c it was right there and I'm diabetic ...she was torturing me ... so we spent like an hour walking around this store that is no joke about 30 FEET by 60 FEET ..yeah we talked about almost every food item in the store ... so anyway she got aobut 20 bucks worth of candy and I spent 3 on some nuts.... so she still wants to get a gag gift for her friend so I of course offer walking to the local porn store at which time she told me we had to go to the Forum (an adult themed movie theature... b/c apparently it would be cool to say you went to the movies and watched a porn .. have to admit it does sounbd kinda cool... so yeah we go into the store and look around ... she gets the hint that I'm kinky altho I'm not really whatever ... so yea so we find some super old used porns on VHS and go to check out while in line theres a black dude standing behind us who we bothignore but Klondike was like making these aweful jokes about the fat guys behind the counter and the face the one was making ...the black guy was cracking up ...have to admit it was funny ... so then she starts talking to the black guy now impaying attention and apparently this guy was shy as hell ... what kind of a shy person goes to a porno store to watch porn in a booth and is shy??? like seriouslt wouldnt you buy your porn then take it home ... anyway yeah so she def tells him how shes gay and then he gets all excited looking in his eyes (eww no) and so then hes like yeah i like lesbians and I was like yeah I'm like her boys are icky and then hes like so ya'll together and I was like if you want us to be and then walk away after like a few minutes she says (fairly loud) Whould you have sex with a boy?!? at which point I swear if he wasn't black he would have blushed and then walked away out of embarresment ...I walked over next to her and then he came back and was like trying to be gangsta tough guy about stuff (total sign that hes probably thoguht aboutit or HAS done it) so yeah then we left (I swear it took us like a half hour to check out) anyway then it was time to go home so I was like yeah my car is off of snoopys birds block (woodstock rd) ... yea well we totally couldnt find it .. and we walked around the block about 9483567384568346587534 times before finding the car... so i dropped her off at the train station and went home ... end of the day?? HA not so much

So when i get home my friend Becca was like lets go out to eat so we went to nifty fifties ... and we go spicy chicken nuggets fries and a milk shake ... the fries were NASTY but the milkshake was awesome ... yeah and thats all I have to say about her ... then I cam home and nicole IMed me SHOCKING here is a taste of her stupidity ..like how cna you not tell im NOT interested (and yes I altered the SN)

Nicky: yo whats up

Me: nm I was like 10 min from Windgap today at the Palmer Park mall

Nicky: so why didn't u let me know

Me: I assumed you were at work

Nicky: what were u doing there

Me: it was from 11am to 1 pm

Nicky: yeah i was in work

Me: I was meeting my friend I was at her house like forever ago and left my coat there a so we met half way and that happened to be easton

Nicky: damn that sux

Me: yeah ...

Me: my friend told me her car almost blew over in wind gap

Me: it was so windy

Nicky: you shoulda called i woulda left work

Nicky: yeah i was in wind gap today it is windy

Me: sorry ... I just didn't think that you would like to be called when at work ya know

Nicky: i woulda loved to be called give me an excuse to get outta there

Me:sorry ... next time I'm up there to visit my friend I'll call you outta work

Nicky: when u comin to visit me

Me: ugh... i dunno ... next time I can grab my friends couch

Nicky: u can grab my bed haha

Me: haha yeah....

Nicky: yeah so why dont ya

Nicky: then i can do ya right

Me: ya umm.... red rivers are flowing

Nicky: eww say no more

Me: and also I dunno if I just wanna meet up JUST to have sex thats just not ...my thing

Nicky: that takes the fun out of it

Nicky: i have a girl i just wanna fuck you

Me: .... ok

Nicky: so when u comin

Me: hmm ...

Nicky: im getting u out here again soon

and then she continued to try and convince me to come out to her ..haha nope... then I went invisible and finished writing this blog ... woah have fun reading.... I expect lots of comments b.c its like super long you have to have at least 2 comments

Moving Out

so yeah I am getting sick of living in this house of unhappiness

I went online (craigslist.com) and saw a room for rent in fact here is the ad :

ROOM FOR RENT, in my 3 bedroom single level house in Bristol Township-Croydon
Acres near the intersection of Route 13 and Route 413.
The bedroom is fully furnished, the house has central heat/air, washer/dryer,
cable in all rooms, a big back yard and a storage shed.
I am walking distance to bus and R7 line, and less than 3 miles to the PA
Turnpike and I-95.
Rent is $400 + 1/3 of utilities.
No smoking inside the house, but there are fully covered patios both in front
and back. Must have proof of income.
Email me off-list at ladyinatoolbelt@... if you are interested
Lois



I guess the e-mail should have tipped me off but yeah Lois is a lesbian (score a gay landlord!)

so yeah apparently I could have been her kid b/c she is also Jewish and Conservative (yeah and I got her to join u4prez...lol) and basically it was odd as hell but it looks like a good deal. I'm hoping I can move in to get out of this miserable house of my mothers.

The question of yesterday

So I was hanging out with my friend Joey and we were arguing about what a chicken 'leg" was

he said it was the thigh I said the drumstick

So b/c I'm an asshole we went searching for a poultry butcher in our area to get the actual truth about what a chicken leg was

so we went to the nearest butcher and asked

apparently the chicken leg is a combination of the thigh AND the drumstick.

Other than that yeah nothing

ooooh so I' kinda sorta seeing this girl ... we are like the same people we even have the same name ... but shes 20 and I'm 23 but she could drink me under the table in like 3 shots

UGH

So I finally get the balls to tell Nicole off and she still ... UGH

OK so I told her like last week to shut her up I would go hang out with her never intentionally planning on doing so ...

So yeah for the past week she has IMed me (when I am invisible) trying to get my attention ... yeah so ignoring and blocking is not enough for this girl apparently.

So yeah but anyway I helped set her up with my friend they are now dating ... and I should get some peace from her right???? apparently not she still wants me to come down and see her ...


wtf is so special about me that it has to be me?

She tells me she has to get offline b/c her g.f (the one I set her up with) wants to lay in bed and that is where she was IMing me from ... so all I have to say is she has no respect for anyone

Last Night

My mom comes into my room (no knock just throws the door open) and goes (in an almsot scream like voice "Are you going to apologize to me?" to which I replied "apologize for what?!?" and she goes "flying outta here and being rude" at which I snickered to myself about ... so then we got in this whole argument/fight about how my life effects her image (LMAO ummm no it doesn't) and then she tells me how on Saturday she made plans for me to hang out with my friend Dan and a date on Sunday. She thinks that if I spend more time with boys I'll be cured ?!? haha nice. Most of my friends ARE boys lol. Nope it wont work. So anyway today my mom decided it was bonding time ... we went to the supermarket and all that jazz and @ 5:00 I go to hang out with Dan. Thats all I'll add more later sitting next to her watching 'womenly television' HAHAHHAHAHAHA

wtf

so I seriously if you have to make yourself dinner before going over to someones house for 'diner' that should speak volumes on said persons cooking skills.

So yeah thats my grandpops cooking skills HORRIBLE ... But I went over there anyway ... Poor guy has no one to talk to all day.

So he gave me a list of shit to buy him b/c he is afraid to leave his house because its so cold.

The list if I remember right (and I hope I do b/c I for sure didn't write it down)
Carton of Marlboro Box cigarettes (2)
Bumble Bee Canned Tuna in oil (2)
Redi Whip
Bandaids
Chicken Breast w/ skin
Rise Krispies
Corn Flakes
Scotch Brite Pads
and a rich widow (yes he really told me that)

So I went to get the cigarettes ...can you believe that shit is $90.16 ... who the hell can afford that??? And why would you want to???

I'm so glad the only thing I waste money on is guns and ammo because that stuff is needed :)

so today

so today I woke up to "woof woof woof aarrrrroooo woof" at 9:06 am after falling asleep around 1:30 am (Karin help me out when did I fall asleep??) anyway it wasn't a nice way to wake up.
So I woke up and watched a few of the shows I had taped on DVR from last week. Nothing spectacular but whatever after that I went to the gym ... that totally sucked ..obviously ... so I was there for like 1.25 hours while I was there this guy was sitting on a piece of equipment and these tw other guys come up to himand start on him ... it was kinda funny cause he kept saying "Nah Nah G I been using this jon right hur it sucks I aint just be sitting" and I was thinking what are we in the gheeto??? this is Langhorne PA!!! lol whatever I went home and my brother was using the shower that asshole ... had to wait like 20 min to finally get one... I think that was the time I called Karin and spent like 6 min not talking (nor did she) during our 7 min and 30ish seconds conversation. Yeah we talked alot I think my minutes are up now ... So yeah then I went to take a shower and it was fannnnnntastic ... only not really b/c I still felt like shit ...like really weak and the pain in my side was really really really hurting ... I was told to stop by my doctors office to get the results of an ultra sound so im expecting bad news usually they tell me over the phone. yeah so like after this shower I was sooooo weak feeling I just laid in my bed for a while ... so yeah walking around naked is awesome ...kind of liberating ... altho it would have been better if my stupid cat wasnt trying to sit on top of me ... so nayway after I decided laying in bed naked was retarded I got dressed cause I had a lot of shit to do ... I went to the 7-11 to make photo copies adn can you believe the mother f-ers no longer do that shit ... so I as stuck going to the library ..those butts charge 20 cents a copy... so yeah I had to make photo copies of the termination of my halth coverage FROM AUGUST b.c the f-ers send me letters every month saying I owe them money ... I send them letters back saying how i canceled it ... I even have the cancelation confirmation wtf is wrong with these morons??? anyway I sent them a nasty letter hopefully the will remove me from thier systems ... this time... I went to the shooting range it was awesome some dude in the booth next to me kept coming over to me saying how awesome i was shooting then asked for my number ... I told him I was gay and he goes the more the merrier right?!? I gave him a dirty look and left to tell the range officer he was harrasing me and they moved him into another bay haha asshole!!!1 yeah and when I got home my stepdad told me I had to apologize to my mother for my 'nasty' e-mail and for everything else... hahahhahaahahha NO ..anyway thats all today wasnt good nor bad just whatever ... :) oh wait my mom is calling me uuuggghhh oooohhh

haha she jsut wanted to have a civilized conversation with me ... she still hates me but its cool ... on Feb 18th im outta here!!! and I always have Karin to talk to no matter what b/c shes awesome

I just wanna die

I really really really can't live like this anymore... its just so fucking hard.

Its like every passing day is a constant reminder of how miserable I have become.

Its like one day everything is fine and then you grow up and it all goes to shit.

Why is being who you are so horrible?

Its not like I've committed a crime or become an out of control drug addict/alcoholic.

so today as soon as I got home there of course was a note for me which read:
"
Jacquelyn

As soon as you see this call me. We are now going back on chores and if you don't do something one time you have no more chances you will start paying rent. You wanna be tough and run away well now you can take the responsibilities that go along with it. am not helping you out anymore you are on your own to pay bills and manage your own priorities. Don't think I am helping you with your taxes, figure it out on your own or go to H&R block. I set you up for a date on Sunday with a woman I work with son his name is James. You better go and be nice to him. Empty the dishwasher and fill it. Dust and vacuum. Oh and the cat threw up on your bed again you better clean that up.

Mom"

Real nice ..this is why I don't want to be home!

You would think Ive done some horrible thing but no I just asked her to accept who I am. On top of this Nicole with the phone calls, text, and IM's all day... She goes in the one text I know you went home and you're passing by stop by my bed is empty (I ignored all the calls text and IMs) ..WTF is there like no way I can have a normal relationship with someone who isn't a total fuckwad? Am I that horrible that no one wants to be with me? Seriously whats wrong with me? Perhaps I just have this inate ability to turn every human being I meet off wihout knowing it. There must be something wrong with my personality ... or maybe I'm just that nasty looking that noone wants to be with me ...