Please don't water the seed

So Lunesta tells me that she is "planting a seed" in me and she may "water" it


basically we had this "hypothetical" conversation about if I would get with her ... AFTER she set her friend only boundary ... and I told her I probably wouldn't try to get with her, it would be her doing all the work b/c it was her to stop any possible romantic connection.

So the seed is her wanting to get with me and telling me so ... the thing is I have NO romantic interest in her ... like at all... her personality at times is repulsive ... shes a good person but she is super bossy and yells and makes me nervous a lot ... not to mention the way she treats ppl it is absolutly repulsive ... I don't need another emotional mind fucker in my life!!! Or a person who is going to bring me down ...

Lunesta says she realyl likes my personality and that she has grown to really like me but I have grown to really not be a fan of hers ...

shes texting me right now saying "I miss you" I can't take a needy clingy person in my life or in general I need my space!

any advise on how to make her not like me but still remain friends and get her to understand that she she pushing me away as even a friend with her clingyness???

Whats wrong? ...my rant!!!

People keep bitching at me and my friends are all fighting with each other ... then asking me to pick sides and I really don't give a shit ...they're all adults they can figure it out ya know ... and then my mother the fucking bitch keeps telling em how to live my life its pissing me off ... and I was supposed to move into my sisters room like 5 yrs ago (really 5 yrs ago) and my fucking mother didn't want e too cause she wants the room to store her extra shit in she wont clean out her own closet so now she has her clothes in my brothers room hers and now MINE and I asked her to get it out so I can start painting and shit cause the walls in the other room are nasty but she refuses unless I empty out my room completely to give her space in this smaller one when she has like 23845784375678346 5other places to keep it ... I have like NOTHING and half of my clothes dont fit me... she wanted them so really Im storing a bunch of HER shit in here too... and then I have Stelisa up my butt all day everyday she wont just let me be its really annoying we aren't together ... and I have 0 interest in getting with her she pisses me off a lot! I havent had like 30 min to myself without someone telling me what to do or how to act its just getting on my FUCKING nerves and my whole day of hiking with Zach was fucking ruined when the tire blew on the highway ... I tried so hard to just go to the gym and work out my frustrations and no im still fucking pissed off and unhappy even after the two hours of torture!!! I'm really fucking sick of other people living my fucking life and I'm sick of people bitching to me about each other cause there isn't a god dam thing I can do about it like at all and I'm not picking sides when ppl fucking fight over shit that has nothing to do with me cause I'm not the cause of the problem I don't want to get involved

OMG Idiots!!!

Lamont Carolina Politics is so political.

really did it take you a while to figure that out you stupid pineapple??? really you're a fucking MORON!

get off my back!

I cant take everyone in my life fighting with one another anymore ... its really driving me nuts!!!

I cant fix all your bull shit and drama!

Take care of your own shit if you wot listen to me or take my helping hand!!!

I;m not feeling well my sugar was at 167 this morning and right now its dwn to 101 ... do you know how bad of a drop that is in 6 hours??? especially RIGHT after a work out where it should have been raised for a bit before coming down ??? I dont need your added BS I have my own shit to deal with ... I cant even see properly right now FUCK

hanna montana

yeah I totally watched that movie in the theater today with Stelisa!

Yeah we are total losers but we had such a good time throwing candy and popcorn at the other people in the place. We definitly turned our heads when they did and were like it must be the people working up there in the booth throwing it and the woman was so chill about it and she totally bought our bogus BS story lol ...

the end of the movie makes me hate going to see movies but meh whatever ...

thats all lol ... later peeps

PISSED OFF

HERE I AM AT WORK ... AND THERE IS NO FUCKING WORK! I AM BEYOND PISSED THEY FORCED ME TO COME IN FOR RUN 2 SAMPLES SO FAR ... YES JUST TWO... IN COMPARISON TO THE 80 I RAN YESTERDAY... I HAVE BEEN HERE FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS AND HAVE ANOTHER 8 TO GO ... BUT NO WORK... WHAT WAS THE NEED TO FORCE ME TO COME IN FOR THIS? I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE AND I AM PISSED NOT ONLY DID I HAVE PLANS FOR TODAY BUT I AM DUCKING EXHUASTED ... I TOTALLY JUST FELL ASLEEP IN THE BREAK FROM FOR 30 MIN ... AND I THINK I WILL GO BACK TO SLEEP TO TO CATCH UP ON MUCH NEEDED SLEEP.... IM THE ONLY PERSON IN THIS LAB AND THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS ALREADY TOLD ME AT MOST THEY WILL BRING UP1 OR 2 MORE SAMPLES ... EFFECTIVELY I COULD HAVE NOT COME TO WORK AND THINGS WOULD HAVE BEEN JUST FINE WITHOUT THIS BS ... I REALLY REALLY HATE THEM FOR THIS B.C THEY RUINED A FEW THINGS FOR ME TODAY ...ASSHOLE!!!!

work

so I went to HR about being threatened by my supervisor and he was brought down... he apologized to be about making me feel that he was threatening me but he assured me he in no way was (BULLSHIT!!) He looked at the schedule and has me off on Sunday but I still have to go in on Sat ... I'm super pissed about it!! really this guy is a dick!!!

I'm looking for another job ASAP! But unfortunately I'll have to keep this one until I get one :(

rambling

I keep thinking about things that have happened in the past couple of days

I have to say I am ashamed of myself

For one I took the virginity of a person who identifies herself as a Nazi in her bedroom on Hitlers birthday. Who shortly there after made some super anti-semetic comments. I almost lost a great friend in the process too.

I guess really I'm just disappointed in my decision making skills when more than one person has told me what to do in the situation.

I promised Karin I wouldn't talk to her or see her anymore more and so far I have done so. She called and texted me a few times since the last time but I have not responded.

Today I found out that "If I want to keep my job I WILL be at work this weekend" This was said by the lab manager. I am so torn between just quitting that job and/or keeping my plans for that Saturday. I feel like an asshole b.c I made plans with Karin I told her I would be there. Shes probably upset due to what happened *hugs* too.

Theres more but I need to go to bed :( sleep sucks

:(

I feel so dirty for what I did last night

like I'm gonna go to hell

I don't have a name for this one .. .but read it

my sleep in the last few days have been absolutly horrible monday I didnt sleep b/c lunesta was over and taking up like my WHOLE bed so I eventually migrated to the floor and got about 4-5 hours of sleep .... Tuesday night I could sleep for some reason wensday I slept really good (a whole 7 hours str8 thru) thursday I got maaaybe 4.5 hours if I am lucky and frid I got about 5 hours ....I need to sleep like more ... like im getting sleep deprivation headaches and shit .... whatever

so I went to my therapist on Fri for the first face to face visit (we did a few over the phone) and it was def not as bad as I thought it would be ... this woman was so easy to talk to and explian things to without having o go to deep into BS ya know ...it was just chill and she explained to me how men created the violent destructive world we are in now using socialogy and aercheology FACTS to explain her valid points (I double checked and it was all true) .... I went from there to work which was boring as fuclk I was there an hour early and they wouldnt let me start early so I hung around ...Tulsi wasnt at work that was sad :( we usally make each other have a good time at work even when its boring and nothign to to do ...ya know .... of well

ok so last night when I left work and began my drive to Karins house ... along the way I was tailgated by a cop who instead of pulling me over drove around my car cut me off and pulled over the person in thew car infront of me ... it was amusing

got to Karins house and she was acting liek anutcase which was hilarious but I was soooooooooo tired some of the things she saidor I said are jsut now registering ...oh well...

oh so in the past week since I decided I wouldn't talk to Judge Doom guess who wants to hang out and shit .. yes you are correct Judge Doom does ... she is like blowing up my cell phone oh well... I fuckd her in her nazi bed I hope hitler and his buddies enjoy my Jew cum on the swastikas .... any way so yes back to today ,,,

I went to Keystone to see these ppl speak about some stuff and it was pretty lame some girl thoguht was like 15/16 and this 20 yr old boy tried hitting on me (I introduced him to the 19 yr old who thought I was in HS) the student presentations were lame as hell none of them were done their research so like WTF?!? why bother presenting?!? at least mine was done when i handed it in!!! grrr and they will all prob get better grades than me this shit makes me SOOOOOOO mad! what ever ... I am so tired I forgot what the fuck I wa sgoing to say for the rest of my day so far ... I keep thinking it was going to be funny but I just can be so sure of that .... ill try and fill in the blanks later time for sleepys