Lucky Charms..

My mother is a psycho. She keeps trying to hook me up with my future husband, and her idea of this is a man who likes lucky charms and pizza for breakfast. I think my mother missed out on the whole Marijuana thing, it would seem my mothers dream husband for me is a stoner. She doesn't quite grasp that only stoners eat lucky charms and pizza for breakfast, you would think she would have higher aspirations for me, apparently not. She has taken it upon herself to fill out as many online dating profiles for me as she can. Which is rather scary because I don't like penis. She thinks I have "come down with the gay" and that I can be cured of my ailments, with a penis. D'nial ain't just a river in Egypt.  *sigh* I have frequently been visiting my friend Karin on the weekends and she is  convinced that I am diddling her cooter every weekend. (Of course, I am going to buy her a vibrator for Christmas.. even though she is in denial about being a Jew) Yesterday Nicole really screwed me over, she is a bitch, she decided to hook back up with her ex and not explain to me why or give me any warning. I have a really cool bondage belt. Umm what? I constantly have sex on the brain and make sexual innuendoes.. right now my stomach is screaming at me to eat.. but Karin won't get off her lazy ass and go get food with me.. and there is no food in her house that I want, I just checked. I bought some Cow Tongue at the Alpine yesterday. Karin won't try it because she is a pussy. I am going to eat a cow tongue now... (and possibly kill Karin's dog because she is drooling on me ewwwwww)